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4 Bumps

Step parent I wrong???

Trying to make this as short as possible. Now my 4yo Father hasnt been in your life very much. A lil after she was born he went to jail and by the time she was 1 and a half he was out and got joint custody seeing her every other weekend. From there he only picked her up twice and then his mom started coming to pick her up and drop her off and pretty much doing his job buying her stuff and such. He is almost $20,000 behind in child support!!! He went to jail a couple more times and from there DH and i decided he should adopt her because hes the only father she know...she calls him dad. so to put it in motion i needed his address and nobody wanted to give it to me. so i went and put it in the newspaper and still no response from him his mom doesnt even call nemore. The adoption is almost final and i kinda feel like hes gonna feel like i did it behind his back and i dont want no drama!! What do you think???

Answer Question

Asked by mUstBdeStiny08 at 3:14 AM on Aug. 17, 2010 in Adoption

Level 13 (1,208 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • oh an i have a 2 year protective order against him so i couldnt contact him directly.

    Comment by mUstBdeStiny08 (original poster) at 3:15 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • oo that last bit about the 2 year protective order is the kicker.. i would have appealed to the court system if that werent the case... that sucks. i am sorry idk what else to say! good luck though!

    Answer by MoMoFu at 3:20 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • How is it going to be drama if you've eliminated the source? You have a 2 year protective order against him and are cutting the ties. I personally wouldn't give it the time of day. It's his responsibility to know what is going on in the daughters life, it's not your responsibility to waste all of your time and energy TRYING to inform him. If people wanted him to know, he's been told I am sure. The weight isn't on your shoulders.


    Answer by Glamourina at 3:21 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • hes one of those "whats mine is mine" type of person even though he isnt taking care of her. and just recently i heard he has 1 or 2 more kids with diff women. hope hes not doing the same to them!!

    Comment by mUstBdeStiny08 (original poster) at 3:26 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • I understand what you're saying, but I think you're concerned for no reason TBH. What drama would he do? Create some bad rumor? I just don't sense that he really cares about her. If he did that protective order wouldn't be there in the first place and he would be on time with his support. He needed to grow up and be a big boy a long time ago. Obviously that didn't happen and someone else stepped up to the plate.

    I do wish you well!

    Answer by Glamourina at 3:31 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Honestly you did him a big favor. Once the adoption is final, he will no longer be responsible for child support.

    This basically severs your ties with him. Unless you are staying in touch with anyone in his family (grandparent's ect), then you don't have any reason to talk to or about him again.

    Good luck to you!

    Answer by Niki_sd at 3:34 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • yeah I know niki but we think its for the best. He and his mom both are dramatic one day out the blue she decides to come pick my daughter up unannounce and then calls the police like I'm wrong for saying no!! We have been thru a lot of similar situations with them. And he still has to pay back child support so no biggie he's not paying it no way

    Comment by mUstBdeStiny08 (original poster) at 3:46 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • For the adopion to be completely final don't you have to have this sperm donor to sign his rights away? I know in my state that's the only way a child can be adopted. i hope for the sack of your child that it can be just cut and dry and you don't run into any other problems.

    Answer by raemommy at 3:56 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • He can sign his rights over or I can put it in the newspaper and if the court get no response then they go forrward with adoption after they do a home study and background check

    Comment by mUstBdeStiny08 (original poster) at 3:59 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • I do have a question. How is the adoption almost over if the father still has rights and they haven't been relinquished or terminated? That should have been done before the process was even started.

    Answer by Glamourina at 4:04 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

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