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how do you help a sd to grow up now

I've had her since she was 9 she's 15 1/2 now she is lazy, whiney ,cry's at the drop of a hat, she needs to grow up she needs to accept responsibility why did you do this? idk. When I was her age I was already raising kids I had a 12/O sd but she can't even do her own laundry

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whitedove34

Asked by whitedove34 at 11:26 AM on Aug. 17, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 5 (91 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • well, if she can't do her own laundry, then you need to teach her how. Make her earn the things she wants, don't just give them to her.
    peanutsmommy1

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 11:27 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • yeah you have to teach her... kids don't magically know how to do things
    elizabiza

    Answer by elizabiza at 11:29 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • kids mature differently based on their life experiences. If you can help her accept responsibility for her own stuff. It's harder with step kids because u aren't the parent but it can happen to some extent. And ya know some kids just don't get it until they are out on their own. My oldest sd is a case of learning the hard way. No matter how "mean" I got nothing ever sunk in. Now she is 18 and she is learning things and is just like wow shoulda listened when i could.
    Walker101

    Answer by Walker101 at 11:31 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Along with learning some responsibilities she still needs positive reinforcement for things she does right and one on one time with you and DH. Find some things you can do together and have some fun with. GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • I DK, did she ever once fold laundry or is this a new thing? Perhaps it 's just hormones, or boy trouble, or peer competition, not feeling pretty enough. Girls usually vi for keeping control to themselves. Is she a quiet girl? Is she just too quiet. ? Was their some sexual mimicking going on in the family? Does she have enough friends, creativity time? Seems like it may even be a benefit to her at this age if she talks to you about sex. (If not you than a counselor) or any counseling seeing eye to eye and on her emotional level for this age it's special to have a professional help her feel important, perhaps that mom alone can't take on. Could be secrets going on she is ashamed of or has some things to just get off her chest. Whiny? Yea, theirs' issues. Father ever help out??
    coffeeyum

    Answer by coffeeyum at 11:32 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • is her mother still in the picture?
    remember that she is a teenager
    remember that she did not choose a split up family, her biological parents made that choice.
    remember that she was not forced into adulthood like you were...
    like others said, teach her
    everyone in the house should take part in taking care of the house, try not to single out your sd.
    happy2bmom25

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 11:33 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Oh, so you've only known her since she was 9?

    What all happened to her before that, as for being integrated to do chores?

    Did anyone give her a chore before?
    coffeeyum

    Answer by coffeeyum at 11:35 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • you are not alone..my sd does the same things but she can do her own laundry and she does not cry at the drop of a hat..i think its a phase
    jorjiegirl

    Answer by jorjiegirl at 12:47 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • she knows how to do it, she knows how to cook, she knows how to fold, put away,and iron even.I've taught her all this but she doesn't want to she has chores they don't get done she doesn't get her allowence.then she crys and pouts i love her to death I just want her to be a little more mature,and I don't know how to get her there.her bm is barly in her life she has limited supervised visits and you know whos the supervisor me.I just want her to do her landrey I do the rest.i want her to clean her room.my 10y/o sd can clean her rm.and I am the mommy even bm calls me mommy.
    whitedove34

    Comment by whitedove34 (original poster) at 1:32 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • I don't have step children, but I can tell you what I've done with my children. I don't give allowance, I have told me children respecting our home and everyone pitching in is required and school is their job. School provides them the ability to meet the goals of their future which is their payment. My children have set chores (the same one's every day), they have all day to do them I do ever expect them done right away, I will ask them when they plan to do them and typically they are done when they say they will do them, if not I remind them to do them once. If they are not done then don't get time with their friends (that is the biggest blow to them). As far as their personal space, I don't care what it looks like, the will clean it when they get sick of it, but the rest of my house they have to help with. It works for us.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 3:58 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

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