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I'm the only disciplinarian between my husband and I, so how do I get my 8 year old step daughter to see that it doesn't mean I'm the wicked step mom?

My husband does not like his daughter mad at him because he feels guilty still over his divorce with her mother. Also, her mother does not parent her. She treats her like a 16 year old best friend that she shares everything including relationship problems with. I'm the only one who sets down ground rules, chores and schedules. I'm the only one who gives any kind of structure to this child. However, all she sees is me being the big meanie. The one who makes things miserable for her! Help me!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:44 AM on Jun. 30, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (8)
  • unfortunatley I don't have a quick fix for this, but more than likely as your step daughter becomes older and more mature she will respect you more for giving her the discipline...

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:51 AM on Jun. 30, 2008

  • structure and discipline is a good way we tend to keep our children out of trouble, but they dont always work. when it comes to those children that are from other marriages its easier to get to know why they seem to think you are the "meanie". if you sit down with her over a glass of juice and have a grown-up type convo with her to better understand why she feels that way it might just help. also, it would be a perfect chance to explain what you are wanting from her. just because you are the step-mom doesnt mean that you have to be the only one to set ground rules.

    Answer by mother_of_52008 at 4:23 AM on Jun. 30, 2008

  • With love and affection. You can catch more flies with honey, than you can with vinegar. Grammie Barb

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:28 AM on Jun. 30, 2008

  • Oh my God !!!! I thought i was the only one out there that had the same identical problem !!!! I get the same thing, except he is 9 and his mother does the same with him. Almost like she wants to be his buddy instead of his mom. And I too, am the meanie. I ended up making a chore chart last night and explained to him the whole thing. He only has to clean his room and take care of his laundry. He tried to give me attitude this morning but he is starting to realize that I mean business and I don't back down. He hates having to discuss his bad days with me to his dad so i used that to my advantage. Good luck

    Answer by Sandi67 at 8:56 AM on Jun. 30, 2008

  • Her Dad needs to step up and discipline her!!! Before she wiil even listen to you!

    Answer by makaylasmom06 at 3:23 PM on Jun. 30, 2008

  • OMG!!!! My husband just got custody of his kids recently. Their are many things that we deal with, someday I may go into it. But lemme tell ya, when they first came to live with us I was ready to drink myself into oblivion. The kids did what they wanted and when they wanted whether they were allowe or not. What worked to some degree for my husband and I was an "united front", we work as a team. If we happen to disagree then we talk about it elsewhere, never in front of the kids. We discipline the children at the time of the offense, whoever is present. I am a firm believer that you can't wait until whoever's parent comes home from work to do this. I am totally not an expert but am learning along the way. It is a daily struggle and the children have made great headway! Stay strong!

    Answer by WkdNurseRachett at 5:47 AM on Jul. 1, 2008

  • okie doke. I would say, you need to inform your husband that his daughter is going to have alot of friends in her life, but only 1 Dad. Try to talk to the immature mom and get her to see that shes a tad off with her parenting without being "mean". Keep doing what your doing, kids need structure.

    Answer by ChasesMommy0115 at 7:57 PM on Jul. 1, 2008

  • I would make sure to have some time to dedicate to your 8 yr. old, do fun things together but i suggest no spankings ( because of the step-parent authority) be firm, but approachable- that way she/he will have enogh confidence to confide in you and love you , yes kids need structure but be careful not to over due it, this is a delicate situation, remember, if you grow to an old age, your youngster can be of GREAT help for you and return your kindness and good judgement..for you.

    Answer by ashleyamanda at 2:20 PM on Jul. 2, 2008

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