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How can a person get their childrens attention aftert they are gone from the nest?

Having trouble connecting 2 my son: hes so busy& I feel as if I miss out w/him and his kids. How can a Grandmother connect w/ the grandchildren when they have their own lives? (Like to be more involved but daughter in law also (sons wife) seem to exclude me from my grandchildren's lives ). She doesn't always invite me over to their house because they btoh work; he works 60 hours , she wa week. I dont feel so Grandmotherly because they dont seem to want me around. It seems they just want the wifes Mother and father involved in their lives and I have no understanding why I am not alway included.Not that I dont want to be involved.It seems I alway have to wait for an invite or for my son to pencil me in his scheduling or wait for a birthday or Holiday before I am invited over. It seems they just want me 4 my money only. Not that I am rich. How can one get the daughter - in- law to include us in the children's lives?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:59 AM on Aug. 17, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • Sit your son down and tell him exactly what you just told us..........that you feel alienated from there life and you miss your grandchildren. Ask him what you both can do to help with the situation.

    mistynights234

    Answer by mistynights234 at 12:02 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • what are you doing to involve yourself? Do you call them and ask if you can come over/can they come over? Do you volunteer to take the kids so they can have a night out?
    peanutsmommy1

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 12:03 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Wave $$ in front of them? Works for me every time ...
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 12:06 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Dont be to quick to blame the daughter in law. Your son is a grown man and should be the head of his family.If he lets his wife not include you then he is either to scared to stand up to his wife or is fine with the way things are. YOu have some good suggestions I would ask my son out to eat or to stop by and tell him how you are feeling. Say you would like the kids to come visit ( you pick a day) maybe something has made the daughter in law mad and your son will tell you, or maybe theres something they dont like being near their kids that is at your home you never know until you open the lines of communication.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 12:23 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Is there some reason why the only person in this situation allowed to extend invitations is your son?

    Take him to lunch near where he's working. Invite his family to go swimming on the weekend... or whatever you'd like to do with them. Expect to extend at least three invitations a month, and remember that an invite is not a demand note: he's allowed to decline.

    You can invite his kids by themselves, one at a time or as a group, or his wife and kids without him. Become involved in their lives and you'll find you have more contact.

    Sitting him down and talking at him is perhaps what he's already avoiding?
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:32 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • First, my daughter in law took offense towards me the very first day we met (she was pregnant and I did not know). Her family is very backward, no social or communitive skills. I have alway extended an invite and told them to drop over any time. I am not a snob, but all I ask is a warning call on the phone to make sure I am dressed and decent. The only time my DIL called me was because her husband was in the hospital and another time when she needed a babysitter because she could not get her mother to do it (who was in the Hospital) . I volunteer for anything just to see my grandchildren. My door & heart are alway open to any communication . I have told him my son how I feel and even threatened that I will leave everything to his baby sister when I die, if he does not show me some sensitivitiy concerning the issue. He does try but his wife holds out. Shes a cold fish. I even bend over backwards to try and please her.
    emmidr

    Answer by emmidr at 8:27 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • I have done everything you suggested for anonomous and still have the same problem as she does. I swear my in laws are witing for me to die!
    emmidr

    Answer by emmidr at 8:30 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

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