Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

how do u make joint custody work for u, the dad, and the child?

Got a 1 year old and i dont know what to do so everyone is happy and our son isn't stressed or emotional with going back and forth betweeen us.

Answer Question

Asked by MommyTigress at 12:41 PM on Aug. 17, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • There is no way of making all three people happy, primarily because it disregards the needs of the supposedly-most-important person in the question: the child.

    Children need specific, reliable people and predictable, stable routines in a safe environment. Swapping houses, or people, is a poor distant second choice from one home with one stable family that stays the same for years. The more often the swap, the more often the stress occurs, the less often the swap, the more dramatic the stress is. There is no ideal answer for children in this except 'wow, it would be a whole lot better if the adults in this child's life would grow up and not put the child in this situation in the first place.'

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:46 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • what do u mean linda about putting the child in the situation in the first place?

    Comment by MommyTigress (original poster) at 12:50 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • ok. its just hard to up and give just one parent full custody. that seems the only solution to the child to be happy and not stressed or anything.

    Comment by MommyTigress (original poster) at 12:53 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Yes, I tend to see the point however, it's make-believe to suggest on parent needs to take the money from the other, and not have any conflicts when this job market is so unstable, and it's reality to live on a level of understanding than one that just takes, takes for the sake of the taking and being a show- off and the other is working like a dog, never to have any thanks, and just maybe the satisfaction that comes from the job itself. (knowing that it is a stability in and of itself, excluding any life conflicts. )
    Just write those things which are important on a daily journal and when things come up to discuss have the brights enough to stand up and address those concerns.

    Answer by coffeeyum at 12:53 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • If it's too hard to battle on you emotionally in court it's best to write all of the ideas out, and bring them to a lawyer or a magistrate.

    Answer by coffeeyum at 12:55 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • I have never been in your shoes so I really have no advice but wanted to say just don't fight. Do it with good feelings. Hugs... ((()))

    Answer by Judmr at 12:56 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • With a child this young switches will become second nature. My daughter is now 11 and is very happy and well adjusted and excels in school. There are lots of different kinds of families and no one can say that one specific "traditional" one is better than the other. Its the attitude of the parents that make it rough or easy on a child. My ex and I make it all centered around what our dtr wants and needs. And now at 11 she can express how she wants the schedule to be. :) Good luck

    Answer by Walker101 at 1:02 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • When you're done fuming over Linda the Hateful up there (and take your time, she deserves it), I have some advice.
    My daughter was a bit older than 1 when her dad and I separated. Joint custody was always in the plan, so we just started off with one schedule and watched how she reacted. We tried 2 weeks here, 2 weeks there- thinking that with less moving, she would do better. She didn't. So we moved to 1 week here, 1 week there. that was MUCH better. She did really well for a while on that schedule. But then her dad got a residential job (he lived where he worked) so he could only have her certain days. We readjusted. When she started kindergarten, we readjusted again.
    All you really have to do is make sure that both adults remember that the child is most important. Whatever works best for them is what you need to do.
    Good luck. It CAN be done.

    Answer by emhain at 1:05 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.