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5 Bumps

How have you made that transition from being "young woman" to being a woman, wife, and mother?

I'm a wife, and have been for nearly 6 years. But now that we're TTC I feel a shift from being my husband's young bride, to being the motherly figure of our family... I'm glad my mind is making this shift now, instead of after getting pregnant and having baby... but I'm feeling this emotional shift, along with the insecurities that come along with it. If you have any advice for me, I'd appreciate it! :)

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Sunnie1105

Asked by Sunnie1105 at 4:03 PM on Aug. 17, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 4 (31 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • To be honest, it just happened to me, and it hit hard, and fast. The emotional shifts will also keep coming with your experiences from here on out. Do self evaluations and feel good about how you're growing mentally and emotionally. As women we sometimes have to assume many roles during the day, and it can be hard to keep up (sometimes you'll forget who you are) But always remember the young bubbly happy person I'm sure you were and know that's who you REALLY are when times get hard. Making it through life's demands only makes you stronger and better able to cope with the next thing that comes along. Lastly, Congrats, and enjoy the roles you're about to master. When you're new at something there is always going to be insecurities, just like learning how to ride a bike :)
    bianchi01

    Answer by bianchi01 at 4:09 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Interesting question. And to be honest...I don't think I ever was conscious of any transition in my marriage. But I think a lot of that had to do with being the one who handled all the serious stuff in the first place. I've always been the bill payer, the researcher, the one who gets the cars to the mechanic's shop, etc... I had been on my own for several years before meeting my husband so the "young bride" stage never really existed for me. I was always the grownup "mother" figure... friends told me that before I even MET my husband.

    Where I *was* conscious of a transition was in responsibility for extended family, as my parents grew older. I took over holiday celebrations, I became the one to drive them long distances for medical appointments, that sort of thing. And it was always what had to be done. I just did notice that my brother and I began taking more charge of things, right up to our parents' passing.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:11 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • My mother's only marital advice.................."The wife is always incharge,and when you are married fight it out"
    but I will add, don't worry about the little stuff.Like if they quit t-ball will it affect them for the rest of their life.I worried like that on my first one.And all those little things didn't matter that much after all.Pick your battles and think twice if they are worth the effort.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 4:11 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Honeslty, I think it's just life and we all go through it. To me it was losing youth and freedom and being nailed down with responsibilities, feeling like a shell of my former self. With that however, comes a new person. Someone with a lot of life experience, more patience, a better understanding of humankind and the fact that life can be fleeting. A chance to remember that the guy who honked at us may have a child in the hospital or a friend with cancer. It's the transition that's hard. Once you've let go of the young bride stuff, you'll be better able to embrace the adult in you. Try doing things that bring you happiness and peace and still find time to "date" your husband.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 4:11 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • For me, getting pregnant the first time (2002) changed my mind about alot of my life decisions but honestly I didn't make a "shift" until 2007. My fist marriage was a abusive one so I went on as a single mom for a year. Then I had finally found my soulmate, established my family of 5 (myself, husband, my son, my stepson (his son), & our daughter). Finding true stability, security, & having a family is what that "shift" is all about. We have all been a family for 5 yrs now... along w/ these 5 yrs has come ALOT of emotional rollercoasters & "bumps" in the road.... but @ the end of the day, you live for your family & you survive together :)
    JacqulynClayton

    Answer by JacqulynClayton at 4:15 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Well i am engaged and I have a son but I have not gotten that feeling of being a wife and a mom at the same time
    noahsmommy12908

    Answer by noahsmommy12908 at 4:30 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • I agree with another poster that I never really conciously noticed this transition until after it had happened. As it plays out for you, don't let the mother role subsume the wife role. The wife role has to expand and contract and change to allow room for the mother role too, but keep that spark alive.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 11:05 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • I guess for me I didn't realize it until my mom said something the other day. We were having lunch at her house and I serever her my hubby and the kids. I sat down to eat my lunch and one of the kids needed help so I got up. Then my odlest was ready for second so I took care of it. (usuaully my hubby helps but he had to eat and run that day) 20 minutes later a sit down to a cold lunch and my mother says, "You really are a mom." Somthing so simple but it gave me such a feeling of pride. I may not be young and carefree anymore but I ROCK at being a MOM!!!!
    koon293

    Answer by koon293 at 2:33 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • Sorry about all the spelling and typo's I was distracted by the kids! lol
    koon293

    Answer by koon293 at 2:34 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

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