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Step-Parents

My question is, what do you think the rights of a step-parent should be? How much is to much, and how much is not enough when it comes to punishing children who are not totally yours, and who don't live with you all the time?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:17 PM on Oct. 7, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • I am a step-parent. Just because I am a "step" doesn't mean I am not his mother. (although I've been in his life since he was 7 months old and he's almost 9). Do you think that people care less about a child because they aren't biologically yours? What you need to be addressing is that the step parent and spouse are as one when it comes to punishing the child(ren). If the child is in your care and does something wrong you should be able to punish them within reason.
    gigs5liz

    Answer by gigs5liz at 7:21 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • I have 2 step sons, I've known both of them since they were 3 and 5. They took to me right away, and we've always had a great relationship. They are now 13 & 15. My oldest I have never had to correct, he has always been pretty good. A few times I yelled at him or had to send him to his room for fighting with his brother or not listening. Nothing big. My youngest, I had spanked him a few times after he had spit on me, pulled my hair, and hit me. He has a hearing problem and when he was younger he would act out at times, then after he was corrected he would be sitting in my lap and hugging me. I haven't done that since he was 5. Since then if he would act out I told his father and he would deal with it and correct him right away.
    raenad

    Answer by raenad at 7:24 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • I think that step parents deserve the same respect as a natural parent yet as far as discipline it would have depend on what age a step parent came into the picture. A tween or teenager is not going to accept someone other than Mom and Dad disciplining them as a younger child would. Having a relationship with a child is a gradual process and one can't come into it thinking that they can right off the bat start with discipline.

    candygirl1030

    Answer by candygirl1030 at 7:29 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • I believe that although the methods of discipline should ultimately be decided and agreed upon by the children's biological parents, step parents, and any caretaker, should be involved in making the decision of how to go about things. And every caretaker, parent or not, should discipline in the same way. Or at least as close as you can get. It is important to have a unified front when it comes to discipline so that the children understand the same rules and consequences apply everywhere.
    supershlea

    Answer by supershlea at 7:48 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • I have a 13 year old SD and although I am a part of her life she has a mother. I do not pretend to take her place. I stand behind what ever her biological parents decide.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 8:17 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • I think they should work with the bio parent to set the rules for their home and back up the parent in enforcing those rules, and in their absence, enforce these rules. I don't think that they should ever take part in spanking or anything though.
    kabbot01

    Answer by kabbot01 at 9:40 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • My husband is my daughter's step-father. He has always been an active part of "our" daughter's discipline. When she was disobedient, she was spanked by him or me .. .depends who discovered the disobedience. When she recieved a award, she was hugged by the first parent to grab her. When she was in the hospital and had surgery, he was pacing the floors. The parenting was shared by both of us EQUALLY. He has been in her life since she was 3 (she is now 22). She calls him Daddy and she is his baby. He will say Ashley is his daughter. Now on legal forms, Step-dad or step-daughter, but our Ashley does not introduce him as her step-dad, but her "daddy."
    ashkyef3

    Answer by ashkyef3 at 10:40 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • wow, I am laughing for 2 reasons I have 2 sets of step parents and my daughter has 4 sets of grandparents. Both my husband and I parents have remarried. I have a step dad and him and my mom are my parents. Since being there most ofmy life then my dad's ffamily is dad and Stacie. since I was out of school when she came around. But step or no step I respect them and they are all my childrens grandparents. Now growing up I will listen to my sd since he was around growing up but my sm yah right I respect her as an adult since I was adult when she came around.
    moma22angels

    Answer by moma22angels at 12:23 AM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • I am a stepmom,in our house,it's hubby's and my rules, we both discipline.We have 2 kids together.And I treat them all equally.I know that I am not their Mom and will not try to take her place ever.I respect their Mom and she too whenever she watches my boys,she is paid and does discipline them when necessary-her rules in her home and the same in my home.
    Fairlight79

    Answer by Fairlight79 at 10:44 AM on Oct. 9, 2008

  • I wish the BM and BF would correct but we are not all lucky to have a good BM. My step sons BM does not do a thing to help with correcting. It makes my blood boil but what can you do. We have had alot of drama and my husband an I agree on corrections but I feel step is such a bad term. My (step) son has been with us since he was 3 1/2 an I do more for him then his mom did including the 9 months she was preg with him. She has brought him to the doct 1 time in 8 1/2 years 2 times to the Er all on her weekend. No practices or school activities, never met any of his teachers or been to any of his schools so im not a fill in I do everything. Potty traing to football I am the one. If I can't treat him like I do my other kids he needs not to live with us. My children will not see him being treated different because of his situation how many times I have heard that. My kids are not going to be put in a situation.
    laralizbeth81

    Answer by laralizbeth81 at 11:30 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

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