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Teenag son wants to live with dad because he thinks its easier over there an wants to try it out. opinions?

My 13 yr old son switches bk from wk to wk. 1 week he wants nothing to do with his dad the next wk he wants to live there. I have physical custody an have since he was 4. His father has always thrown in my face that it is my turn to pay child support an only see him every other wknd. The only reason I ever went for child support an a visitation agreement is cause he was always using our son to control me an him an I had to apply some order to our sons life.He didnt want anything to do with him unless he got wind I was doing something with our son so he could interupt the plans. I am willing to drop all papers at my sons request ..... but X doesnt agree. He keeps throwing out there its my turn to suffer an he is looking in the best interest of our son. I want the best for my son. But I dont see how me seeing him every other weekend is the answer like his dad wants.

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plumberchic

Asked by plumberchic at 5:19 PM on Aug. 17, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Let him. He is at the age to where a judge would listen to him, so let him try it before it gets messy. If your ex is eager enough he might just take it to court.

    I would agree to son spending on week at dads and one week at yours... Not just two weekends a month in your home. Try it out for a month.
    Glamourina

    Answer by Glamourina at 5:22 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • What your son may want is his father's love. It sounds like his father may not have a lot of that. Usually kids are best staying with mom.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 5:22 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Personally I wouldn't let your son move over there. Looks like your son is just trying to get out of responsibility and out of your control by moving in with his dad. I wouldn't let him manipulate you that way. Plus, if you have physical custody of your children, then it isn't legal for him to go live with his dad. As far as I understand. Unless you go through the courts again to get him partial custody. As far as you paying child support you have no legal obligation to. Being that you have full physical custody. The father should be paying you every month since you're soul gaurdian at the moment.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 5:23 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Your son is 13. A very hard age for both you and him. Take a deep breath and just try and ride this storm out. Your his mother. You know what is best. If your exhusband really wanted to change his visitation etc he could of took you back to court. Remember that. YOU know what is best.......
    mistynights234

    Answer by mistynights234 at 5:23 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • I think he should go. My husbands parents split at that age and he wanted to spend time with his dad. I think the teen years is when the son wants more time with dad. As my husband has told me, my boys always want to be with me NOW but when there older they will want there daddy more. Let him go so he can spend time with his father, it wont do any harm
    Claudiomom

    Answer by Claudiomom at 5:27 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • I wouldn't do it. sounds like his dad just wants money and to throw it in your face that your son chose him over you. doesn't sound to me like he really wants anything to do with him. BUT i don't know the whole story, maybe he does. if you are under the same impression i am, then no i would definetly say not to send him. you are his mom, with custody, you make the dicision. i wanted to live with my mom when i was a teen. the grass always looks greener on the other side. My dad never let me. now that i'm older, i understand why. i see that it would have been a very bad idea. yeah, she's a cool mom, but she just wasn't ready to take care of kids. emotionally and financially. she even knew that herself, which is why she herself told me it'd be a bad idea. she didn't even have visitation, but my parents ended up staying friends, so after she cleaned up a bit dad let us go see her in the summer every year. she was in Mich, us in VA
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 5:30 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Moral: you make the judgement call. do you think it'll be fine with him living with him? or do you think it will do damage? is he just trying to get out of things he has to do at home, that he won't have to do with his dad? is his dad financially and emotionally set to do this? do you think he's just doing it to throw it in your face and try to get money from you? if you do end up paying child support, will the money actually go to your child? so many questions to go over in this decision. mom's normally have a good intuition. what does yours say? GL momma! i know it's hard for you...and it will be a constant battle if you say no. my dad and i got into tons of fights about it, but he stood his ground. my mom was willing to take me, but she knew it'd be a bad idea. i'm not sure if that's what helped my dad keep to it, or what.
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 5:36 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • OK. Second part posed.............................. I have told him if he decides to go then thats it......... because he has been doing this for yrs. Im getting tired of being a puppet. when one doesnt do what he wants he turns on one or the other. I know he isnt gonna want to stay. an the comment let him try............................... what do I do when he wants to come bk. An he will. Over his fathers he has nothing ............no room(he sleeps in the bed with his lil sister in the same room that his girlfriend an father sleep in , an his father lives with his mother an sleeps in the same bed with a man that she supposedly has no sexual relationship with.) I'm sure that was confusing lol. My home I own an he has one side of the house that is his, my boyfriend an I are the only ones here. I left my last husband cause my son said he was so unhappy.
    plumberchic

    Comment by plumberchic (original poster) at 5:39 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • um, check your laws, i think some states have it that siblings of a different gender can't sleep in the same room after a certain age. that should help you make a decision right there.
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 5:47 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Let him. He needs to figure out for himself that it's not the cure all for his problems. When he wants to come home(and he will) welcome him with open arms and tell him how much you love him! Leave all the other stuff out of it. It'll make your head spin. Unless he is in immediate danger, he'll be fine. Resentment and hurt feelings can get in the way of solving the problem at hand. I'm glad my mom let me figure it out. I really am.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 6:00 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

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