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7 Bumps

Since when is adopting a child something to be ashamed of????

Ok, so my DH and I decided to adopt a child. We can have children, we just decided we want to adopt one in need just to help out. Both our parents are soooo pissed with our decision because "people are going to think we can't have kids of our own" if we adopt a baby. Did I miss something? Since when is THAT something we should be ashamed of??

And our parents aren't even that old! His are 55 and 57 and mine are 48 and 53!!

Of course we're adopting anyway, there's no way their stupid opinion will change our mind, but I'm still furious right now!

We just told them a few hours ago and I'm so pissed off right now!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:16 PM on Aug. 17, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (31)
  • That's rediculous! I wish everybody would think the way you do. You're going to be blessed with a baby who would otherwise probably have a miserable life. Adopting a child is an amazing thing to do and when people who can have children naturally adopt babies.. I love when people do that.
    God bless you for doing that.

    Answer by pipermomofash at 7:18 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • i'd say you're plenty old enough to do what you choose. hopefully, in time, your parents will decide what's right is learning to accept you and your dh's new family member. good luck, and congratulations on making a world of difference in the life of a child!
    i'm proud of you..and i don't even know you!!

    Answer by dullscissors at 7:19 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • They will get over it. You guys are doing a great thing and I commend you guys for going through it.

    Answer by flcouple7577 at 7:19 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • It's not..

    Answer by MTM at 7:19 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • I highly doubt it's the adoption or the fact that people will think you can't have kids. Those sound like excuses. They probably want a biological grandchild. And even if you couldn't have kids, does that mean that they look down on people who can't have their own and their only option is to adopt?

    Answer by JGRIMMER at 7:20 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • I dont think that its something to be ashamed of or that they are ashamed of. They had probably just had their own fantasies about their grandchild looking like them or you like you as a child and getting a chance to relive their own experience as new parents. Give them time to adjust and to accept that the experience they had envisioned is going to be slightly different but still joyful. Good luck. :)

    Answer by karamille at 7:20 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Chances are that they will get over it when it actually happens.

    Answer by annabellelee at 7:23 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • I can sure understand why you would be upset by their reaction. I have a severe case of endometriosis and DH's swimmers aren't so great, and I was worried about family members' reactions when we started looking at adoption. I had forgotten that I have a second cousin who adopted. I told my mom that nobody in our family had ever adopted, and I didn't know if everyone would accept my child. She said, "then it's about time someone does (adopt)". My kids are treated no differently than anyone else's in the family.

    If you do adopt, and still feel that they are not accepting your children (who will become as much "your own" as any children who come to you the traditional way), you'll need to sit them down and have a talk with them. Just like any other parent, you can't allow your children to be around people who are going to hurt them physically or emotionally.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 8:09 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • We adopted our son thru foster care and he's a huge blessing to our lives. Our family was "happy" when we told them (after 20 years) that we were going to adopt. They were "cautiously optimistic" when we told them about foster care. And they have been through many emotional rollercoasters with us as well. When you adopt, it does affect your whole family. They will do home studies asking info from everyone you are related to, bio, half's, steps, all of them. They don't get a say, but if you don't see their support now....get a support system going at church or your friends & neighbors. You'll need it.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 8:24 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • DBF is right that it is a roller coaster ride for your family, too. Don't be surprised if they guard their emotions and try not to get too attached until the adoption is final. That didn't happen to us, but it does happen to some people. That can be kind of hurtful to you, but everyone deals with their pain in different ways. Maybe they are afraid of a loss. Lots of people fear adoption because they think "the mother is going to take the child back". If your adoption is done correctly and legally, then after finalization you probably have nothing to worry about.

    People can be less supportive when you want to adopt from foster care. We adopted through Catholic Charities, but did seriously look into fost-adopt (I still have the welcome packet and info). Everyone was telling me why we shouldn't do it. DH pretty much refused, so that was that. GL! PM me if you want more info.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 8:38 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

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