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Should she be told that she is dying?

My grandma is in a home for dementia patients. She can feed herself,go to the bathroom,but needs help bathing,and has to have a nurse make sure she takes her meds,and the nurse does her blood sugar and injections. She's getting depressed because she doesn't understand why she can't go home. Her kidneys are failing rapidly and the doc says no to living with family. My mom and aunt would freak out if my grandma died while in their care anyway. Do you think she should be told of her demise? Hospice sees her almost everyday,but no one has told her who these folks are. I think if she was able to realize that the end was near,she could get ready instead of hoping that she is going back home soon. Everyone keeps telling her she has to stay until she gets a little better. Bad idea IMO.


Asked by butterflyblue19 at 9:03 PM on Aug. 17, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (21)
  • My MIL didn't want to tell my FIL that he had cancer again & was dying. We fought about it. In the end the doctor told him.... that he only had 3-9 months to live. Three years later he finally lost his battle.

    What Im getting at, Is I think a person has a right to know if they are going to make it or not... They have the right to get things the way they wanted it. MIL still mad at me for helping my FIL set up his own funeral & where he wanted to be placed for his final rest. (He wanted by his father, & she didn't want that so they could be together. But he had the right to chose. as does your grandmother.

    If shes able to understand whats going on, I would tell her.......

    Answer by lilmoosesmom at 2:20 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • It's a tough one, but I believe that she has the right to know. She may do something different with her last days if she knew.

    Answer by AshleyBDG at 9:07 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • She should be told. I believe a lot of people can sense it anyway, at least she would live her last days/months with some clarity and can be at ease with her condition.

    Answer by Glamourina at 9:13 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • No, I would NOT tell her. Let her enjoy her final days and tell her that you love her and want only her happiness. G-d Bless!


    Answer by Joeygoat at 9:05 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • She needs to be told, I don't understand on why they're delaying on telling her the truth. Atleast when she knows she'll be able to find peace and be at ease that she needs to stay there.

    Answer by DesertRose75 at 9:08 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • My mom was in a similar position, and she, too, wanted to go home. My mom was a believer in Jesus Christ, so when she would mention her desire to go home, we would tell her that we were pretty sure that she would be going in just a little while. She seemed to grasp what we were really saying to her, and it seemed to comfort her. We were not lying to her, because very shortly she did go to her Heavenly home.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:08 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • I was in this exact situation a few years ago.. although she has dementia im pretty sure she knows that her time is winding down...this is a situation where i felt that it is harder on the family as it is to the patient to see a loved one go through something like this right before our eyes...and telling her would make her really sad and depressed for the moment (until her dementia causes her to forget) and her last days should be filled with happiness not sadness...

    Answer by missthang42001 at 9:08 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • I think she needs to be told

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 9:09 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • My gramma has alzheimers, she knows she does. She isn't to this point of living yet. I believe she should be told, even if it is every day. It isn't helping her. So how could it "hurt" her anymore? Honesty is always best, she may come to terms with the reality of her life a lot faster than keeping her hanging.

    Answer by 2BlondeBabies at 9:13 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • i'm not real big on lying... at least if someone fills her in maybe she can concentrate on something besides confusion and frustration. she has a right to know and it think it's really cruel to mislead her by telling her she'll be going home soon - dementia is not the same as stupidity. i'm really sorry you all are going through this. it's understandable that others think this may be a way to help ease her mind as well as their own, but i agree with you.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 9:18 PM on Aug. 17, 2010