Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

How to handle husband that still sees our finances as separate?

My husband refuses to get a joint checking account. He says it is just the way he is and "one day" he may decide to get a joint. I've protested and tried to reason with him on the benefits of it but he is stubborn. He has given me the amount he wants me to give him each month but that leaves me with maybe $75 for all other things like putting money away for savings or buying school supplies for my son (from a previous marriage where I pay for most expenses). He makes about $19k more than me a year and has more to spend than I do. He wants his money to stay in his pocket. I explained that Christmas and birthdays will be pretty skimpy this year since he wants to be that way. I even made a spreadsheet showing how the bills would be with a joint account. He obviously doesn't see marriage as a joint adventure. Any advice on how to handle the situation other than getting divorced?

Answer Question

Asked by lybra975 at 9:20 PM on Aug. 17, 2010 in Money & Work

Level 5 (98 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • We don't have joint accts. We each have out own accts at different banks even

    We simply split the bills. I pay the TV, Internet, Home Loan, School Tuition and Car Insurance. He pays Mortgage and Electric. We alternate weeks on Daycare.

    He also gives me cash for food and gas.

    It has saved us so many fights just dividing it up and not having to question each other on why you spent $30 at HomeDepot or why I spent $40 at Fashion Bug...

    Answer by Maureen-MD at 9:23 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Break your household expenses down, as accurately as you can, by person. Show him the numbers, if he is unwilling to pay his full share I'm not so sure that divorce would be a bad thing, particularly if he makes significantly more than you.

    Answer by annabellelee at 9:24 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • i wouldnt get a divorce, but i would try to take it from a different angle. do you share bills? when he decided to marry you did he adopt your son? try asking him why he doesn't want everything to be equal? why he doesn't want to be 50/50? are you not the same in the marriage?

    Answer by candle5 at 9:25 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • I really don't have any advice. That is one of those issues that should be settled before marriage, IMO. Everything that dh and I have are joint and we have equal access.

    I hope you two can work it out!

    Answer by Erin814 at 9:25 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Wow. I see your frustration. I don't even understand how seperate finances would work. So when you get the water bill, you each pay half?? I agree with you a marriage is supposed to be a union. Now of course everyone has their opinion, and finances are always a stressful and touchy subject, but there should also be discussion and understanding as well as agreement on where money is going. I don't even know what to tell you for advice, cause I would never have entered into a marriage where my husband "hoards" his own money. Good luck.

    Answer by 2BlondeBabies at 9:27 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • We consider all the money we have as our money and have none that the other cannot acess. I don't know how to change his mind. IMO all of the money belongs to both of you and has since you were married, you should make fiancal dessions together and both agree to how all the money is handled.

    Answer by Liz132 at 9:28 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • I don't necessarily think you have to have joint accounts. I know a couple that have joint accounts and he makes a lot more than she does. He has her paying for groceries and then maybe a certain percentage toward the household bills and then the rest is hers. He pays everything else and they both have money left over to put away for retirement. His money also pays when they do fun stuff like go vacations and stuff like that. It sounds like you need to start giving less money toward the bills and he needs to give more money. If he refuses to budge at all, I would go to a marriage counselor.

    Answer by Christina807 at 10:17 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • That should say I know a couple that have SEPARATE accounts, not joint.

    Answer by Christina807 at 10:17 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • This is one of the reasons why I left my ex. He made about 25k more than me. I delt with with for nearly 6 years. We separated last year. Good Luck.

    Answer by BingsMommy at 10:37 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • marriage is an equal partnership, or is supposed to be.

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:53 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.