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What did you discuss with your Spouse-to-be before you got married?

I see all these questions about "my dh won't watch the baby"," he won't join finaances", "he refuses to let me baptize our child"...etc. I just started wondering what things you discussed prior to getting married? Perhaps my husband and I were just incredibly fortunate to have friends and family around us to advise us wisely. We actually got a list of things to discuss from our minister when we set up our wedding with him. On the list was everything from How many kids do you want.....to household chores division...to finaces and of course religion. I get boggled by the issues that come up that weren't prediscussed. Enjlighten me please.

 
GrnEyedGrandma

Asked by GrnEyedGrandma at 9:31 PM on Aug. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Level 29 (39,983 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • way before we were even thinking marriage, we talked about our 'deal breakers'..meaning, what would come up that would steer me/him away from desiring marriage. financial stability was important, as was church. future goals, likes/dislikes for vacations, how big a house would your dream house be...lots of silly things, that end up leading into the big things, in a roundabout way.
    however, for me, the biggest was church/religion. i figured if we weren't on the same page, but maybe in the same chapter at least, we could handle many, many things. and we have. plus, we weren't kids. mid30s-early 40s...we'd already played all we wanted, and by the time we met each other, we were both ready to commit to someone and settle down. love at-first-sight is sweet and grand, but making the decision to love someone is huge! love is a verb....
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 9:40 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • We are engaged and have talked about everything that I can think of. We've even discussed what would happen in case of a divorce...we plan our lives together, know how many kids we want, that we want to go to church, how we want to raise them, how the chores should be divided up or what not. We both know what the other wants and what is expected in our marriage:) We are a team and we work hard to make each other happy:)
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 9:35 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • everything. we dated 5 years before getting married, 2 years long distance and all we did was talk, every day. we talked about everything. by the time we got married there was no stone left unturned.
    mellypoo

    Answer by mellypoo at 9:34 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • my husband and i were friends before we were married. we atalked about everything, from cotton candy and cheese to kids and care color. it helps i think if you are completely honest and open so you know
    candle5

    Answer by candle5 at 9:34 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • We talked about me staying home, and possibly homeschooling, waiting 5 years before having kids (we didn't) and stuff like that, on which we agreed. This was on our first or second date, because we'd been friends for a year before he decided to take it one step more...
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 9:35 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • We talked about spending money and attitudes toward saving, about how many children to have and about child rearing, about religion and what religion to raise the children in, about attitudes toward extended family- if and when a parent needed care, how would we handle it, and medical issues- as it turns out I carry a gene with an unusual blood condition, and I had an uncle with CP whose care could fall to us.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:36 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • My husband and I were clear on EVERYTHING before we married. Some of the most important topics include religion, education (homeschooling), finances, discipline, and overall child-rearing.
    Erin814

    Answer by Erin814 at 9:37 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • not much really.

    We took DIVORCE completely off the table. We agreed that nothing is insurmountable and that for us Divorce will never be an option.

    All the other stuff is minor. I am religious and he is not. He needed to accept that before a relationship of any kind would work. That is not something that just suddenly became important. When we were dating our money was seperate and I saw no reason to change that. He is okay with it and it works for us. We both have freedom and we don't ever have to wonder how much is in the acct because someone when shopping and didn't tell the other
    Maureen-MD

    Answer by Maureen-MD at 9:46 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Not everything can be discussed before marriage. Things you might feel you're on the same page about might turn out to be otherwise down the road. With that said, I tried to make sure that everything was covered before I walked into marriage with my DH. However, as all relationships go we found things we either didn't think to talk about or hadn't talked about enough. Nothing major, nothing that put us into any tail spin, just things here and there that we could've been more attentive to. When we were talking about our future though, we talked about our values, morals, and expectations from the family lifestyle. We talked about who would work, who would stay home (if anyone), and who would upkeep the home. We discussed how many kids we wanted, what type of lifestyle we wanted, where we wanted to raise that lifestyle, etc. We also talked about our own personal aspirations and dreams, because it's important to remain true to you
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:51 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Before hubs and I got married we talked about how we would handle the finances, where we would live, how long to wait before having kids and an approx. idea of how many kids we wanted...and some basic dreams/goals for the future.
    After we got married we would talk about things as they came along--- like buying a new car, what city to live in, do we want to buy or rent a home.....
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 10:28 PM on Aug. 17, 2010