Stepson peed his pants at BMs house out of laziness

I think there may be more to the story than simply laziness. Is he in counseling?

If he is older then five, then you might think of taking him for counseling. Over five is way too old to be having accidients.

Is her house a completely filthy shit hole? How old is he? How disgusting does someone (and their house) have to be for a kid to think "she wouldn't notice"?

He didn't want to go inside....maybe there was something inside that scares him. Does she have a BF or husband?

i agree there has to be more then just laziness.... I peed myself later then 5. I myself was afraid- could have called it laziness but at school i was afraid of making people mad... I know i had issues... i cant believe a child over the age of 4 even would pee themselves for anything like laziness.. more so out of fear

You are probably looking too far into it and maybe you should discuss it with the child's mother.

I don't think that is just laziness. I would ask more questions and maybe make an appt. with his pedi.

That is between her and her child. Tempting to read too much into it...but don't. If she complains or says anything to your husband then he should tell her he has all the confidence in the world in her abilities to assist their son in using appropriate behaviors.  He can suggest that the child's pediatric physician.  Questions should be between mom and child.  Or mom, dad and the child can have a conversation.  As tempting as it is to try and get to the bottom of it - let his mom do the work.  If you discuss it with his mother it could be seen as you crossing the line.  And frankly, it would be.  Dad discussing it with his ex is appropriate because that is their child together.  He has the right to inquire with compassion and love for his child, as well with respect for this woman who is the mother of his child.  Unless more comes up....it is up to biomom to deal.

frowdawg......Between mom and child? Reading too much into it? Are you kidding? An almost 9 year old is peeing himself!!!!!!!!!! What kind of red flag do you need to let you know there is something wrong here! And why shouldn't this stepmother be involved? The child lives in HER house full time. Why is it fine to for her do all the other 'mothering' stuff, like put him to bed, help him with homework, do his laundry, make his meals......everything but have an opinion and be concerned about his behavior. God Forbid she steps on Biomoms toes!!!