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How do you deal?

My SS's BM is very childish.. She doesnt like me (SM who's been here for the past 3 years - clearly not going anywhere!) and will tell my SS this! She tells him he has to hate me and that its not ok to love me or his step/ half brothers.. Also any chance she gets she just shows up and takes him saying she doesnt want him around me. According to her Im not allowed to watch him EVER .. but her BF of just under a year watches him all the time when she's working or running around town.. I mainly try to ignore her antics and Tell SS all the time that its ok to have any feelings he might have and that we all love him very much since I doubt I can actually do anything to change this.. clearly she's just crazy but what would you do with a situation like this?

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Asked by Mrs_Chris_Pukt at 8:29 AM on Aug. 18, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 7 (161 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Your husband needs to deal with this.

    Answer by shanlaree at 8:31 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • I think it's OK for you to tell him it's OK to feel whatever he feels, but I agree with shanlaree, your husband needs to deal with the situation. You don't want to put yourself into the middle of this dispute (no matter how "in the middle" you actually are, from day to day.)

    Answer by SWasson at 8:35 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • the relationship with her is toxic .. she ends up being cuffed and taken away everytime he confronts her about something. she can be quite abusive.. plus she thinks there is nothing wrong with it because "she's the mom" and its "noone elses buisness" obv thats not right either tho .. It actually hurts me tho when he says stuff like - my mommy says i hate u so i dont have to brush my teeth! or "you cant turn off the tv cause my mommy says that you mean nothing to anyone" SS just turned 6 and its been 3 years of this nonsense.. I think he needs counseling or something.

    Comment by Mrs_Chris_Pukt (original poster) at 8:35 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • Other than hubby talking to her does anyone know of anything he can do? can the courts make her stop?

    Comment by Mrs_Chris_Pukt (original poster) at 8:37 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • I agree with the other ladies. Your husband needs to deal with this NOW. The longer it goes on the more bad feelings there are going to be. Why is she allowed to show up and remove him? Aren't there visitation times? What if you all had plans? That is completey disrespectful and that is what the child is being taught, that it is okay to disrespect you.

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 8:39 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • IMO he is six, and is old enough for you to have a talk with him. When he says this you should tell him that hurts your feelings and makes you very said. Tell him you love him very, very much. and if he will let you give him a hug. Maybe if you tell him what he says hurts your feelings he will stop. I know you said you tell him that everyone loves him, but you need to tell him how much he hurts them, and you, by saying what he says. As for the BM and DH maybe they could have an advocate meet them at the drop off point so you don't have to put up with her crap, and this way the advocate can be there to keep any of her crap from happening. Oh and make sure the meeting grounds are some where nuetral like a fast food joint or gas station or park. I also would make sure the advocate is someone who is nuetral say DFS or a court appointed one. Tell DH he can talk to the court about it they will help. GL

    Answer by lovemybaby283 at 10:01 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • the visitation times are set and they work well but like on his birthday she was letting him spend an extra night over then when he called her to say good night she flipped out and came to get him cause i was talking to my son in the background.. or if she finds out that on DH's visit times that he's gone to work for like and hour or two and that hes home with me she will show up and take him.. shes redic

    Comment by Mrs_Chris_Pukt (original poster) at 11:06 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • All I can say is that bites. Dh may have to deal w/ it. But tell ss mom is upset for whatever reason and you love him no matter what and maybe pray for her with ss. Good luck sm.

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 8:53 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

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