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Does it start at this age? No bashing please

My daughter will be 10 in February. She is allowed a water bottle at school but i told her not to fill it until she got there because of incident on the bus last year with the water bottle. she proceeded to ignore me , fill it then when i found out from her sister. i told her it had to be dumped she got angry start pushing her body into her sister. so i got upset told her if the behavior did not cease i would pull her from cheer. she got even angrier and told me she hated me. and was getting out of control so here i am at the bus stop trying to correct my kid and ended up having to spank her which made me feel bad. Is this a phase? do they do this starting at close to 10? i remember saying i hate you to my mom when i was a teen. I hope she realizes i don't punish because i don't love her but because i do. she even went as far as screaming at the top of her lungs to keep from getting spanked as she twisted her body


Asked by sherryb1273 at 8:30 AM on Aug. 18, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 17 (3,696 Credits)
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Answers (23)
  • Children of all ages will test the authority of their parents. Disobedience should not be tolerated at any age. As children get older, there is more pressure from peers and other outside influences. There are many more disrespectful children today probably than there are respectful ones, which is only going to make your battle harder to fight. But you must hold the line and require obedience, even if you have to hear that your child hates you. The key is to discipline (and I do approve of spanking) before you become angry. I prefer the system that tells the child once and no more. At ten, your child fully understands that if she doesn't obey, there will be consequences, and she is the one who gets to decide how she will behave. I like to reinforce discipline by saying that I love the child too much to allow him to get away with disrespectful behavior. Don't allow yourself to blame her outbursts on anything other than choice.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:45 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • Spanking a 10 yr old and at the bus stop no less - that's not going to be effective. And don't pull her from Cheer - she's made a commitment to the squad and that would be irresponsible on your part to pull her from cheer.

    What you are seeing is PUBERTY starting. Patience is needed for dealing with this. Go to her room and REMOVE everything that isn't necessary. You leave a bed, SOME clothes, a lamp, and an alarm clock. NO radio, NO games, NO TV, no MP3, etc. She may be allowed to have a water bottle in school, but that doesn't mean that she needs to have one at school. If she can't be responsible and obey YOUR rules, don't let her have one. Restrict her, go to school, come home, do homework, and then read.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 8:44 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • A recent study was posted in our local paper about how girls are entering puberty at an earlier age. Some as young as 8! I feel for you, believe me. My daughter is 8 & it scares me to death. I'm not ready for that conversation yet! She's still playing w/ Barbies, Polly's & Littlest Pet shop for Heaven's Sake! If the moodiness continues- then this may be a glimpse of your life in the next few years to come. Good Luck sister- you'll need it.

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 8:36 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • well then In that case I would have handled it much different then I said earlier. I would have just grabbed her up. Hugged her tight and said no matter what you say I will love you forever. And not let go until she calmed down. So Sorry she is going through so much.

    Answer by oldermomof5 at 9:00 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • One more thought. I don't think the punishments here fit the crime. I don't know what the water bottle incident had been...but it is the kind of thing that she probably needs to just live through yet again. You told her, she ignored you... then let her reap the consequences unless we're talking about a danger to life and limb.

    What she did to her sister was not acceptable, but pulling her from cheer for ONE incident was probably too much. And was the spanking public? If so, she will probably never hear the end of it from classmates.


    Answer by gdiamante at 9:05 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • Don't have an answer for you, mine's only 15 mo. Just wanted to say good for you for disciplining her in public when she was acting out! She was trying to draw attention to the situation by screaming in hopes she wouldn't get a swat. Hang in there mamma, sounds like you're entering the hormone filled fun zone! As one who was more of a pain in the ass than most as a teen if they make it thru alive they calm down again & are actually really nice ppl! Now would be a good time to identify something that makes you feel less stressed & get ready to use it as these situations continue. GL!

    Answer by Nyx7 at 8:35 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • Shoot, my kid tried that crap at 2. It can start at any age. He actually got better about by the teen years. LOL

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 8:35 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • Yes it's a phase, my 11yo DD does the same thing and I ended up chewing her out in front of her friends and let her know that if she couldn't respect me then she needed to go to her room until she did. Another she that she's started that I hate is whine, it drives me nuts when she does it.

    Answer by DesertRose75 at 8:35 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • Don't take it personally. She may be a little old to be spanked, IMO. But yes the attitude can start very early. My DD had an attitude from a very early age but once she hit about 16, she's 17 now, she chilled out a little bit. What got us through was me not taking it personally and sticking to the rules and punishments. Good Luck!


    Answer by Cindy18 at 8:38 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • Yes, it does, unfortunately. My daughter is 10. She still exhibits the same sweet, loving, sensitive traits she always has but she has also developed a bit of an attitude and I definitely see the "teen" mentality approaching (though it's somewhat foreign to me because I never went through that with my son - though I have personally witnessed it in his female friends over the years). I DO NOT look forward to her teen years.


    Answer by FootballMom85 at 8:39 AM on Aug. 18, 2010