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2 Bumps

How would you feel?

I have a 3 yr old dd & our neighbors have a dd the same age and they play out front together. Our neighbors are very nice people and we get along great. The problems is that I have noticed my DH & the neighbor lady seemed to be rather chatty with one another. Every time one went out the other one came out. At first I thought I was over reacting but then I found pictures on his phone of my DD playing outside & this woman is in every one of them soI ask him if he was attracted to her and his reply was "yes I am attracted to her, she's a good looking woman." I feel so uncomfortable now. How would you feel & what would you do? Thank you so much in advance for your advice.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:13 AM on Aug. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Wow, I'm suprised a man actually admitted somthing like that to his wife! Well...you have to admire his honesty.SInce he's in the mood to be so honest, ask him does it go beyond being attracted to her? Would he pursue this?
    I have a girlfriend that is good looking and I tease my dh about having a crush on her because he seems to talk to her more than any other of my friends and well..I just know. But I also know he wouldnt do anything about it..and neither would she..shes a happily married woman.
    Its normal to find someone attractive..its what a person does about that attraction that could cause problems. Ask him.
    Good Luck.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 9:19 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • I'd feel uncomfortable as well. Have you talked to him about this, that it makes you feel really bad? Let him know and hopefully he will stay away from her, if he doesn't then something is wrong and you need to take a good look at your relationship. Good luck hon:)
    shanlaree

    Answer by shanlaree at 9:20 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • I would take this as my cue to show this man than he could never find a woman who could love him the way I can. I would make his life so blissful every minute of every day that he wouldn't want to leave the house to go to work, much less to see the woman next door.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:21 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • Throw a drink in her face
    BambiF

    Answer by BambiF at 9:22 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • Well, if I trusted my husband not to cheat on me and if I he continued to talk to ME like normal and our love life didn't change, then I'd just be happy that he made a friend, and I would make it perfectly clear to him that I'm his wife, and he needs to cool it with finding women attractive! He shouldn't be able to answer you so quickly... lol.. but it would be lighthearted. If I didn't trust him and he had given me reason not to trust him in the past, or if he stopped talking to me or making love to me... I would probably think something was up.

    In the mean time while you're figuring all this out, please go outside with him and be sociable. There is no reason for you to stay cooped up inside while your Dh is out talking to her. You will feel better when you know what they're talking about and knowing that you're a part of the conversations your Dh is having with her. You could also invite the neighbors over as a couple.
    MomtoElliett

    Answer by MomtoElliett at 9:24 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • i think its wrong its like what shanlaree said u need to look at your relationship and honestly my dh has a bunch of friends and i find all of them ugly if i ever found my self attracted to one of them i would question my relationship and not be around the person i guess u guys need to talk
    cnoble927

    Answer by cnoble927 at 9:24 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • His saying that wouldn't bother me as much as the pictures. It could be coincidence about the pictures, but usually when you take pictures of your child playing you get mainly your child and not lots of pictures of another child's mother. Since you already showed him that you were wondering about him and her, it might be wise to back off, but I'd still notice what is going on. If you are on your best behavior with him, loving, making his home where he wants to be, and he still gives her more attention than you feel is right, then bring it up calmly and say that you feel uncomfortable about his behavior. See what he says. It isn't impossible that he is infatuated, which is wrong for a married man, and counseling may be needed to get his eyes turned back to where they should be.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:30 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • I like momtoelliott's advice. Go on out when he is talking with her and be very smiley and sociable. You can even give her a clear signal by touching his arm or linking your arm through his. This clearly says "This man is taken." Mention her husband in conversation "How is John doing these days?" Invite both of them over for dessert or coffee.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:34 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • it is a trust issue, but this is a poison situation. Speak your mind let your man know that this is unacceptable, he has a wife and a child & he is not a bachelor or a little boy. It is definately time for counsellong- if it is not this woman it will be another- he does not put s high price on faithfulness and lacks respect for you- you need security and deserve respect. DEAL with the underlying issues that are causing him to look about- little imaginings ruin marriages- either he is flirting with the idea of an affair or you are insecure and not feeling valued and over reading innocent thongs(which I doubt) either way get the issue sorted so you both can have a peaceful committed
    marriage for your lil girl. I don't mean to be harsh but thoughts become deeds and habits really quickly- get counselling.
    Crysalisgirl

    Answer by Crysalisgirl at 9:37 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • The pictures mean absolutely nothing.
    He admitted he was attracted to her. He was honest.
    I don't see an issue here. I think you're paranoid.
    The way I see it is that they're close. You're lucky to have a husband who is honest about what he thinks about other women's beauty. You might not be comfortable with it, but I think you'd rather know then to be left wondering. Just because he thinks she's attractive doesn't mean he wants to be with her. She hopped in one of the pictures, so what? That doesn't mean anything.

    I think you're overreacting.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:20 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

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