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Aspergers child and death.

Okay so I told my Aspie son who is 6 2 days ago that today we would be having our/his cat who is very very sick put to sleep. I was very specific and answered all of his questions. When he first asked me is Willie(the cat) was going to die I told him yes. He kind of teared up but then went back to normal. No hysterical crying, no running to the cat, nothing. It was very matter of fact. In fact when my DH got home from work my son approached him and said' Daddy, did you know Willie's liver isn't working and he's going to die on Wednesday?' I know all of these reactions are normal for an aspie child but it's hard for me to deal with. I am so afraid he will have the same reaction when his grandmother dies. Part of me really wishes I had this hysterically crying kid. Anyone know what I'm dealing with?


Asked by Anonymous at 12:54 PM on Aug. 18, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I have a son living with autism, and understand how you're feeling. When my dad passed away almost 6 years ago, my son was very matter of fact about it. My DH told him about Grandpa, because I was just too upset to talk with him about it. After a few months, he started to ask questions about Dad's passing, and I answered him as honestly as I could. Maybe it would be best to just give your little man some time to work through this on his own and if he wants to talk about the loss the let him.

    Answer by Robsmommy at 8:21 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • ((HUGS))- even without the Asperger's, kids do not always react to death the way we expect. We've lost a few pets over the years- typically my son is outwardly upset and my daughter is not. When one of our pets died, my son asked my daughter why she didn't cry and she said "Well, I guess it's because I just wasn't that sad." Likewise, when my grandmother died last year my son cried and my daughter did not. They both knew her, but only saw her a four or five times a year. I don't always 'get' my daughter's reactions because I am more like my son- I am really upset when we lose pets and I express that by crying. I don't think my daughter is less upset, but she swallows her emotions a lot more. I've come to accept that she is processing loss in her own way and that's okay, even if it's not a way that would work for me.

    Answer by Freela at 1:03 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • He probably isn't attached to the cat. I had a dog for 15 years, and he passed away about two weeks ago. I didn't even notice he wasn't here when I got home.

    Or he might not realize what death really means. It might not have hit him yet that the cat is not going to come back.

    Answer by xmama_bellax at 12:57 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • Exactly. And with his grandmother, it will be different. My son has lost BOTH his grandparents, before we knew he had Aspergers. Their loss is possibly the ONLY thing that touches him deeply emotionally; he does cry when he thinks about them, even now.

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:58 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • exactly meant I know exactly what you're dealing with!

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:59 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • it doesn't mean he doesn't love the cat, and it doesn't mean he doesn't love grandma if he reacts the same way. aspies have a way of being able to deal very logically with things in life and not letting emotion rule them, which would benefit us normies at times! even though they appear to be insensitive. it is almost like they have a better handle on acceptance of things they can't change (i am guessing the percentage of aspies as addicts is REALLY low....). i am a really sensitive/emotional person but i actually am pretty accepting of death (for people... i completely lost it when my cat died). you know this is normal for your child - when you expect him to act like the person he is rather than someone else, it will be easier for you to handle.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 1:07 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • yeah i know... but because I have ASD... like when my second child died and i couldnt cry to make everyone feel better at the funeral.. i just fucking couldnt cry.. i had cried about it several times before.. but we think literally. we are less emotionally attached to stuff. he still loved the cat. he just is going to process different than typical kids. dont think he is a serial killer for it... and yes when gma dies.. he most likely will have the same blank reaction.

    Answer by AmaliaD at 1:46 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • I would never think poorly of him for it. It just makes me sad to see him not sad, as dumb as that sounds.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:00 PM on Aug. 18, 2010