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How do I deal with a friend who I love dearly, but cannot stand most of the time?

I have a friend whom I have been very close to for about 10 years. We used to live next to one another in an apartment complex and our children grew up together. I was there for her through 2 pregnancies and an abusive relationship, and she was there for me through a divorce and an abusive relationship. I found an amazing man (he's black and I'm white) and fell in love. She was against the interracial relationship, but supported me anyway because she saw how happy I was. She has never been fond of black people and was raised in a racist family. Eventually, I convinced her to give my SO's uncle (also black) a chance and we all went out on a double date. She fell for him and they dated for about a year. Ever since then, she has only date black guys. She went from acting like a country girl to "acting ghetto." It's gotten to the point where she is so ridiculous i dont want to be around her....continued.

Answer Question
 
LoriaAnn

Asked by LoriaAnn at 2:49 PM on Aug. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,028 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I cant confront her about her behavior, because she is the type who will just get mad and defensive. She is very dramatic. I love her like a sister and dont want to remove her from my life, but her behavior has gotten out of hand. I'm even embarassed to tell other people she's my friend or to go in public with her. What do i do???
    LoriaAnn

    Comment by LoriaAnn (original poster) at 2:50 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • if you don't want to be around her, then don't. Life is too short for drama
    peanutsmommy1

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 2:51 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • i don't know why other ethnic groups think sleeping with a black man automatically transferrs "ghetto" into your DNA. Meaning you have to act "ghetto". I think she is silly and immature and you probably need to stop hanging around her. I am black and do not at all act ghetto. It's stupid.
    my2kids312

    Answer by my2kids312 at 2:56 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • i have been in this situation. i restricted interactions to something i could readily handle and i made myself find a way to tell her what i felt. it sucks and it is hard. she might be mad but you guys have been through somethings. stress that you are NOT the enimy so even if she walks away initially angry she will have to think of everything you said at some point and .. I would think she would come back to finish the conversation etc.

    good luck!
    MoMoFu

    Answer by MoMoFu at 2:56 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • Maybe you would be better off having your husband or some of your black friends tell her the way she is acting is rude and offensive. Maybe she will understand then.
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 2:59 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • Perhaps there is a way to gently remind her who it is exactly that first guy fell for, not what she has decided to become? Best of luck!
    MamaSunBear

    Answer by MamaSunBear at 2:59 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • if she were my friend, I'd confront her. Like if she was to say something stereotypical ghetto, I'd ask "what do you mean?" or "why would you say something like that? you wouldnt have said something like that so and so years ago...." . Something along those lines, to see if maybe she caught herself and realized she was being stupid.
    Owl_Feather

    Answer by Owl_Feather at 3:07 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • she sounds like a dumbass. even though the past was good between you two, it's the past... move on.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 3:41 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • if she really is your bestfriend you should tell her how you feel she might get mad but she will get over it
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 5:29 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • I have one of those friends. She and I just started speaking after a 3 wk timeout. She told me that she's still a little angry at me although she started the argument. My friend is the kind that thinks she knows everything. I just tell her that contrary to her popular belief she does not know everything, I asked her what time of the day she walks water and her word is not law. We manage to get over it and move on.
    debnich501960

    Answer by debnich501960 at 11:29 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

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