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Me and my husband have been togather for 10 years. We have been fighting alot lately over stupid things. Dose anyone believe in staying togather for the kids?

Me and my husband were high school sweet hearts and we have had our share of hard times. Lately it just seems that we have grown apart, we are constantly fighting over petie things that we would normally just laugh about. I love him very much and he is an amazing guy but the fighting is starting to worry me with the kids. I am really at a loss here of what to do. We've tried talking about things but that always starts a fight too. My mother and father recently passed away so i dont have anyone to help me with this.Can anyone give me some words of wisdom?

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Asked by JessicaLRS at 2:57 PM on Aug. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Maybe try marriage counseling.

    To answer your question, I don't think you should be together just for the kids. It's better to be from a broken home than in one.

    Answer by Christine0813 at 3:00 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • I do not believe in a couple that argue alot to stay together for the kids....try marriage counseling or take a break away from each other or go away together to find each other again.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 3:01 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • All it takes to stop a fight is for one of the persons to act like an adult and to say that the thing is not worth fighting about. People disagree about all kinds of things. That is actually a healthy thing, even in a marriage. If one of you is right about everything, then one of you is not necessary. Men don't like to "talk about" problems and the reason is that when wives want to talk, it usually means that the husband is the one who is in the wrong about everything. He is the one who needs to change. I promise you that you need to do some changing of your own, and if you will do that, you will see changes in your husband, also. You can begin by telling him what a great guy he is and how much you appreciate him. If he carries out the trash, thank him for doing it. Show appreciation. Love is tons more about what you give and do than it is about what you get and have done for you. You can make the difference!

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:02 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • well, you said you still love him, right? i am staying with my husband for the sake of the kids. we don't fight though..... i just don't love him anymore. we decided to just keep on keepin' on for the kids since we don't fight or hate each other. it sounds like there might be an underlying problem that is causing you two to fight about stupid stuff. i would try to find out what that issue is and then work on that. but to answer your question.... i read lots of studies done on this subject and they all reached the same conclusion..... the kids are happier when the parents remain married conmpared to when the parents divorce. the findings were for relationships you described (not abusive relationships..... just want to clear that up before somebody jumps on me about that!). that's why i decided to stay with my husband instead of get a divorce.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • No, not just for the kids... but I do believe that relationships are cyclical. You are going to have highs and lows and there are going to be times where you are literally tired of the other person... you spend so much time and effort with them, it happens. Deal with that first, understand that it could just be a phase and as long as you can tolerate life, for the children... you are still good. Then work on moving yourselves in the opposite direction, be it counseling, special date nights or a little romantic vacation. Redirect life back to being about the two of you... children have a way of altering that view. :-)

    Good luck!

    Answer by HistoryMamaX3 at 3:05 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • I don't necessarily believe in staying together for the kids if there is nothing else there, but I don't think it sounds in your case like there is nothing else there but that you are hitting a rough patch. I would either try counselling, or find ways to reconnect. Go on date nights, take a class or pursue a hobby together. There are a lot of good books out there on how to bring that spark back, and you don't have to follow any one of them exactly but read up and find things that might work for the two of you. Even though my DH and I are really good about being able to sit down and discuss and compromise on the big stuff, we go through times where we can't be in each other's company for more than 5 minutes without some stupid petty argument. But we just make the effort to shut up, give each other space, and hang on until the good cycle rolls back around (and do what we can to bring on the good cycles, too).

    Answer by riotgrrl at 3:07 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • Ok, you and Anonymous both need to go to the bookstore and get a book called "The Love Dare". seriously, it will help your marriage. Theres also a movie about it, but seeing it before reading the book is kind of backwards. Get the book, do what it says, and write in your journal like you're supposed to. It is an amazing miracle worker as far as saving your marriage. No, I don't believe in "staying together for the kids" but I DO believe in honoring the vows you took and making your marriage work instead of giving up.

    Answer by an-apple-a-day at 3:09 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • I don't know that you should stay in your marriage for the kids, but I think you should try and save your marriage for the sake of your kids, and yourself for that matter. Really try to find ways to reconnect with your spouse and get back some of the happiness and intimacy from the earlier days of your relationship. Those feelings don't just happen on their own after ten years, you have to work a little harder for them. But if you are willing to make the effort you can get back to a happier place. Speak to a counselor or someone at your church, a relative you trust. I don't know if there are other stresses in your life, but having your parents pass away recently has to have been hard for you and maybe that is impacting other areas of your life, especially if you feel your husband hasn't been there for you enough. As we change and grow as people we have to give our partner and our marriage a chance to catch up, too. Good luck.

    Answer by MaryMW at 3:28 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • it really seems like marriage counseling is really all you need. you two need to learn to communicat better and to fight fair. if seeing a therapist isnt realistic for you two, then get a book that discusses couples with comminication issues and do the exercises. your biggest issue is going to be getting him to agree to work on this with you though. men tend to not believe in therapy and have trouble admitting they're wrong. if you can get him on board, i think you guys will be fine.

    to answer your question though, NO, i absolutely do not believe in staying together just for the kids. yes, ideally children have both their parents together in one home. however, the chaos created by constant fighting is VERY traumatic for children. It can create all kinds of emotional issues for the kids if they grow up in such a negative environment. it is much better for kids to have two happy homes are much better than one miserable one

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 3:35 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • i do not believe in staying together for the kids - the last thing they need is to think that an unhealthy relationship is an example of what to look forward to. i do, however, believe that you two can get through this - counseling is a really good choice to help you through this rut you have reached in communication.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 3:35 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

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