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My 10 year old son refuses to go to school, Can someone help?

My son is 10 years old and refused to go to school. We just started the new school year this past Monday and he made it through Monday and Tuesday. This has been going on since October 2008. He was having problems at his elementary school with a teacher, from what he told us he would get in trouble for asking questions, and the teacher even admitted to telling him he was taking the lazy way out. We changed schools immediately. Once at the new school he would not go in to the building, he would have a panic attack as soon as we would get within blocks of the school. We would have to physically drag him into the school. It would take 4 adults to do this, he would drop to dead weight, and this is if we could get him out of the van. We have tried to get him help but the doctor in this area that we went to just slapped an adhd label on him and put him on the medications of focalin and abilify, the child is not adhd,

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tinamug

Asked by tinamug at 8:23 AM on Aug. 19, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • I would look into finding him a counselor or someone he feels comfortable talking too, like a mentor. Kids will usually open up as long as it isn't the parents that are doing the prying. There is something that is bothering him WAY deep down and you have to get to the root of it or you won't ever solve the problem. I wish you luck.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 8:26 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • tell him if he is not gonna go to school then he must help around the house. make him work his ass off..doing all the things you would do..laundry, dishes, clean carpets, dust, mow, ...he will get tired after a day or two and be begging to go to school
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:28 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • you have to be your son's parent, he can't just get out things bc he's upset. tell him what's expected of him and if you have to sit him in a desk yourself you're doing it for the better of your child. or you can take the easy way out and homeschool that way there is no fight about him going to school. i think he's working his kid magic and getting his way. if you have to go to public spankings that might work to humiliate him into doing what you ask of him. but school is a requirement and not something for him play around with. if all else fails there is military school where they put him in order. you could also explain to him that children who don't go to school get to go to juvy instead.
    angevil53

    Answer by angevil53 at 8:30 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • My mom used to call the police when we she couldn't get us to go to school....lol! Granted, she knew some of the officers personally & they did not mind coming over & getting me out of bed. It only happened twice though, & yeah....you can betcha i was getting up & going to school after that.

    Is there maybe something about school that your son is not telling you? Did he have any bullies, or did he get made fun of? His anxiety is there for a reason. Maybe a counselor can help get out of him why he has such a fear of school. My sister & i just would not get ready in the AM. My mom used to throw water on us, flip the covers over....but we were so stubborn, that sometimes we'd lock ourselves in the bathroom to try & avoid school. Well....that didn't last long when she started calling the police...lol.

    He needs to talk this one out. You & him need to understand exactly why school gives him this anxiety.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:30 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • He goes fishing for hours without the meds and he is absolutely content doing so. Any other doctor we have been to refers us back to these doctors as well. The visits with these doctors consist of us walking into the appointment getting a script refill and walking out, with no interaction with my son past a "hi how are you?". My son is the middle child and there are 4 years between him and my oldest son and 5 years between him and my daughter. My son also will get extremely violent with my daughter. before the meds he was having a panic attack and lock him and her in the van out side the school. She does nit pick him as a younger sibling does, he does the same thing to my oldest child. He can "dish it out, but can't take it". He stays at my mom's house a lot of the time, to keep the kids separated, but now if he does something to get corrected he immediatly wants to go to grandma's house. I am extremely stressed,
    tinamug

    Comment by tinamug (original poster) at 8:31 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • and at my wits end. I don't know what to do or how to do it.
    tinamug

    Comment by tinamug (original poster) at 8:34 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • and as a matter of fact, we got him to school yesterday (late afternoon) and he told them that we hit him all the time and he does not feel safe at home. no one has laid a hand on him. We believe in spanking as discipline, but has hasn't been spanked in at least a month and the only reason he got it then was because he was trying to hit his brother with a metal pipe.
    tinamug

    Comment by tinamug (original poster) at 8:38 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • He needs to see a therapist and for you to REFUSE medicating him for something he doesn't have. Stand up for him- tell the doctors that you are not leaving the office until they take what is happening seriously and they stop throwing medication at him for a fast fix because they are too damn lazy to actually figure out what is wrong with him. He is dependingon YOU for help so don't back down until you can get it for him. Clearly, he is having anxiety about school for some reason and he's not going to get over it by anyone forcing him to go- that is only going to make matters worse because it will cause resentment, trust issues and even scare him psychologically for life.

    IhartU

    Answer by IhartU at 8:40 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • I strongly suggest that instead of taking him to a Dr you make an appointment with a Therapist. He or she will be able to help you.

    Good luck!!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:41 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • We are even in the process of buying a new house so he has his own room. but he could care less. Now when he goes in to one of these panic attacks or violent modes he has no idea what he is doing or where he is at. wh have taken him off all of the meds over the summer and he is not as violent, but he has had times where he just explodes over the smallest thing, such as his sister singing or picking on him. we are walking on egg shells.
    tinamug

    Comment by tinamug (original poster) at 8:42 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

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