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16 Bumps

I may be looking at prison time

My dh works 2 jobs while I am a sahm which is choice. Since he is always working outside the home you can imagine I do all the work at home. We have 4 kids and I do EVERYTHING for them (they are all under 7). My dh goes out with friends almost every weekend I havent been out with friends since we were married. He says it isn't safe for me to go out alone. Now he has started taking away my driving privileges for even going to the grocery store. If he isnt with me I cant go. Although he and the kids sit in the car and I had better not take more than 15 min in the store. I do not feel like a wife I feel like a prisoner and a slave. I cant even imagine leaving with these 4 kids no job, no money and no car. He was not like this at first and I have tried to talk to him but he says he doesnt want to hear my "bitching". I have even written him a letter and he tore it up and said he didnt have time for that.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:56 AM on Aug. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (33)
  • You need to get out now! It will be rough but it isn't impossible. You don't deserve to be a prison in your own home. What happens if the kids get sick or hurt and you have to get them to the doctor's and he doesn't let you drive! That's a disaster. Good Luck, momma.

    Cindy18

    Answer by Cindy18 at 9:00 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Oh honey, how are you not crazy by now? There is no way I could put up with someone that controlling! I'd try to talk with him but you said he doesn't listen to you so honestly I'd leave (I also have NO patience when it comes to someone telling me what I can and can't do) Good luck!

    onemellowmom

    Answer by onemellowmom at 9:01 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Counseling if you can. If you can't, it sounds like domestic abuse. Call whatever community services your area offers for victims of abuse. Or ask your doctor or religious adviser.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:02 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • It will be hard but you need to Leave. Nobody deserves to live like that. It will only get worse. Do what's best for you and the kids.
    dragonlady44

    Answer by dragonlady44 at 9:04 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • sounds like maybe he took away your driving priveleges because he is having to work 2 jobs to keep a roof over your heads... i think you both take each other for granted .
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:04 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • this is abuse contact someone asap because before long it could escalate. believe me. my aunt went through this and almost lost her life. please get help. SAFETY ALERT!
    Computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear. If you are afraid your internet and/or computer usage might be monitored, please use a safer computer, and/or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.
    sherryb1273

    Answer by sherryb1273 at 9:06 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Oh mama, you need to get out. He is emotionally abusing you and I would venture to guess that physical abuse ,if it hasn't started already, could be close behind. Do you have family that could help? If not there are churches and women's centers that will help. I can only imagine how scary that would be, but you and your kids deserve to be in a healthy situation. Good luck!
    jupiter84

    Answer by jupiter84 at 9:06 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Your home should not be a prison. Get out.
    Misteh

    Answer by Misteh at 9:08 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • "darling, i love you, i love being mother to your children, but we need some new rules before i lose my mind. Your weekends out need to be limited to one weekend a month and i get one weekend a month. thank you for everything you do but this is what needs to happen next--thanks dear!" i find that "bitching and shrilling doesnt work... direct orders do especially if they are so drowned in sweet compliments and submissive-style charm that the hubby doesnt mind or cant tell. it worked with every boyfriend, my ex husband and my current boyfriend. disclaimer: it does not convince a man to stop fooling around, overall treat you better, ect but if you want a night out or him to stay in it works swell

    mrsmostafa

    Answer by mrsmostafa at 9:12 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Many many many years ago my s/o tried that little stunt on me, it didn't work. When he tried using that line " it's to dangerous for you to go out alone", I'd take my best friend, she lived a couple of blocks away, when he'd take the keys to the car, it was okay because I had had another set made and the last straw was when he'd take the house keys and lock me in while he went to work. I had another set made and gave them to my bestfriend so she'd let me out. These things only happened once because he saw nothing he did would keep me confined if I didn't want to be and I did not want to be. You are worth so much more than that.
    Why is he so insecure?
    debnich501960

    Answer by debnich501960 at 9:12 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

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