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How can she possibly think that this is okay?

My friend is a mother of 5. I am also, We are a military community, and there are rules! Her children have no manners, cuss her out 24.7, are always getiing into trouble, just recently her second youngest put a huge scratch down a neighbor brand new car..... And they have no rules! She has tried to say that she taught them well, and she doesn't understand why they do that, but the truth is that she yells, never follows thru, and does not lead by example! She sleeps til noon, locks the cabinet door (pantry) so they cant eat while she is asleep! Plus they live in filth, she has 4 pugs, and 2 cats all of which piss and poop everywhere, and she never cleans , except the downstairs when someone is coming over! The kids have holes in their shoes, but her hubby can buy 300 dollar oakleys. And they never have enough food, the bathroom is coverd in pee and mold from not cleaning, and it smells awful, that alone in my opinon is enough

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:21 AM on Aug. 19, 2010 in Parenting Debate

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • You probably can't. She needs professional help, and if she doesn't want it, or believe she needs it, she won't get it. Unfortunately, if you try to talk to her about it, she will most likely either get defensive, upset or angry, and feel like a victim or like you are getting into her business.

    It's hard to believe her husband is okay with this. Who knows how she got this way. Maybe she was raised like this too, or maybe she is clinically depressed, I'm not a doctor, so I couldn't say. It's really sad for her children who will probably have problems themselves because they are being raised like this...sounds like they already do.

    You can try to talk to her, but decide how important your friendship is first, she may not handle it well. Good Luck!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:30 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • it is not ok

    if social services paid her home a visit, she may just have them get involved

    mess is one thing, five kids will make a mess
    poop, pee, mold, kids not eating, mom sleeping while fives kids are watching themselves (i assume some are very young)
    none of that is "OK"
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 10:25 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • I don't think there is much you can do other than provide a good example by how you raise your own children. If she is a valuable friend to you, you might offer to spend an afternoon once or twice a week to help her clean or suggest a parenting class. From what you describe, it is likely that her issues are too far outside of your abilities.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 10:25 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • OMFG!! That is freaking disgusting! I had a friend that was like that.. her house was completely filthy-- I can still smell it..eww.. as soon as you walked in the front door gnats would fly up your nose-- They also have dogs & there is poop and pee everywhere.. it completely grosses me out! yuck. Its just that some people are used to this lifestyle.. but you would think they would want to live in a nice clean house..
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 10:24 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • How can i help her to understand that this is not the way to handle things? And whooping with a belt is not the answer!

    JoLee12345

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 10:24 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • I don't understand why you have not contacted base housing or CPS or anything.. that's not proper living conditions for children.
    Mom2unangel

    Answer by Mom2unangel at 10:26 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • They can get kicked out of Military Housing for that. I'd report it and let housing deal with it.
    DesertRose75

    Answer by DesertRose75 at 10:27 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Is there somebody you can call who has authority on the base? It sounds like she is neglecting her children, and maybe if somebody in authority paid a surprise visit, she would realize the seriousness of what she is doing. Unfortunately, not everyone who is able to bear children makes a good parent, but it is the children about whom we need to be concerned. I don't know how the military works, and I would hate to bring in CPS but that might be what is necessary. I know they have taken children from parents in my community just because of the filth.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:27 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • you say you live in military housing? call housing and let them know. you can remain anon. they can come and check it out, they do have rules and can kick her out of housing, and if it's as bad as you say, they can call CPS. I had a neighbor like that, she had 4 kids, and her kids would sneak out through their window and play on the back porch roof, while she was drunk in the front yard with her friends, her dh was deployed....the MP's got called a couple times, finally housing got called and they did something about it. they called CPS on her as well. somehow she found out though, and cleaned her house before CPS got there.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • I would, but housing is useless here, and I really do care about her and am hoping to help here without involving CPS! Plus she will weezle out of it as usual with a sap story, or bust ass for 3 days to prove she is fit, and then let it go afterwards..im at a loss!
    JoLee12345

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 10:29 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

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