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2 Bumps

Im feeling like Im in a funk!!!!

Okay so Ive been with my now husband for 7 years married 3 years we have a one year old. Lately Ive just been feeling unhappy in my relationship. IDK I do still love him but I dont want to cuddle, kiss, have sex nothing. I basically want it to be like we were friends. But when I think about leaving him or him not being there Im not happy eaither. Anybody ever go through this. If so what did you do? Did it get better? What did you do to help it?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:00 AM on Aug. 19, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I think all marriages go through something similar to this. What you have to understand is that your husband is not responsible for your happiness. You are!! And happiness comes from within and it is grown by what we do for others and not by what we get from them. What helps more than anything is to say and do loving things, even though you may not feel loving at the moment. The amazing fact is that our feelings follow the way we think and what we do, and not the other way around as most people think. The love is still there--you just need to tend it, much as you would a garden full of weeds.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:06 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • I have gone through this... but grass is not always greener either.. it doesn't sound like more than just a funk - they happen after marriage and kids and lack of sleep and adjusting to parenting and trying to maintain a relationship - I would stick with it honey.. hang in there..
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 11:12 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • All relationships go through phases of intense passion and periods of not feeling engaged that way... generally the 'solution' if there is a problem is to take 11 minutes a day for 40 days in silent appreciation of your partner.

    What is it that he does that you appreciate? What is it that he does well? What character traits are admirable?

    Yes, I know you can make the #2 list without thinking, pretty much automatically, and for the first few days you'll be making a 'yes, but' list as well... and very grudgingly admit that he's not totally shabby and obnoxious in every way... but everyone has 11 minutes available in a day (you could give up playing on the internet if it's important to you)... and it will make a tremendous difference.

    If you miss a day, you have to start again at the 1st day and count again to 40.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 11:07 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Unfortunately, I'm going through it right now. We tried spliting up for a little bit, but we were still living together... so obviously, it didn't help much. I hate the thought of not being with him, because I love him very much. But I'm also really unhappy with him. I wish I could give you some advice... but you're not alone in your feelings.
    momtochelhawk

    Answer by momtochelhawk at 11:07 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Marriage has it's ups and downs. There are many things that can decrease a woman's sex drive. You may be just too tired from taking care of a toddler. I recommend reading the book For Yourself. It's a classic book about female sexuality by a well know sex expert.


    http://www.amazon.com/Yourself-Fulfillment-Female-Sexuality/dp/0451202007/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1282230550&sr=1-1

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 11:09 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • There is a book out there called the Love Dare, it's a 40 day program where each day you have to do something for your husband that you might not normally acts of kindness and love that are intentional. You might look into it, it might be nice to be told different ways to show him you love him. It's kind of like NannyB said, feelings follow what we think and what we do. Good luck!
    MamaSarah1104

    Answer by MamaSarah1104 at 11:15 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • I am going through this too... I love my SO but I am not "in love" with him anymore... The "spark" is gone and I am just so unhappy, I see him as my bestfriend but not a lover, We don't sleep in the same beds even....
    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 11:36 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Find something to do with yourself, join a book club, go to school, go to the gym. Perhaps if you had a new outlook in your life you see him in a new light.
    debnich501960

    Answer by debnich501960 at 12:03 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • I would seriously consider talking to your husband about this and getting some therapy. A marriage counselor would probably help you a TON and could save your marriage! You and your husband deserve to be happy - try and make that happen for yourselves.

    I can tell you from personal experience that counseling does strengthen marriages. My DH and I have never had a problem in our marriage, but we see a counselor anyway. She helps us understand one another better and communicate. It's the best thing we've ever done as a couple.
    WomanWitty

    Answer by WomanWitty at 1:48 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Thank you ladies for all the advice and keep it coming. I cannot wait to try all these new ideas I have popping in my head thanks to you ladies. And for the ladies that are feeling the same way as me on here I hope you can take some of this advice as well and maybe it will help you too.
    Nikky0803PAG

    Answer by Nikky0803PAG at 2:34 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

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