Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

what do I do ( christians only please)

Ive prayed for my marriage, Ive bought christian books on subject. Ive suggested therapy for us. My husband seems so unhappy with me. He constantly criticizes. Even if I make a good meal he says this could have used more garlic. He comes home and goes straight to his computer games for 2 days he has barley talked to me. I feel like packing up and going to where my family is. Like right now! My self esteem is shot and my heart broken.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:29 AM on Aug. 19, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

This question is closed.
Answers (24)
  • Nikkivan i am shocked you suggest his avoidance might have something to do with her figure. Her self esteem is already in tatters. I agree with pp that he could be depressed. If she is doing everything she can, including giving it to God in prayer, and he is not responding, that is on him. Honey, talk to him one more time and then go visit family for awhile. Some people need drastic wake up calls. At the very least you may find the rest your weary spirit obviously needs. Good luck, mama. I know it is tough.
    angelenia

    Answer by angelenia at 2:31 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Have you tried talking to him about it? Does he know you're feeling this way? I would suggest having a good heart to heart with him, and seeing where things go from there. A marriage takes two, and reading all the books in the world won't help if he's not involved in the relationship as well. Has he said he doesn't want to do therapy? If he has, is it because he feels like you don't need it, or is it a different reason? The only real way to solve anything, though, is to be honest with each other about how you're both feeling and where each of you stand, and see where that takes you.

    I'm wishing the best for you!
    bandgeek521

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 11:32 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Maybe you could tell him how you feel. Or find a christian councilor, maybe you could go by yourself at first and convince your husband to come along later. Maybe you could go visit your family, maybe the time away would help you both. I think the biggest thing it seems might be communication. I know when I feel upset about things and finally talk to my husband about them it's a misunderstanding usually, or just talking about it makes me feel better. Tough it out you can do it.
    MamaSarah1104

    Answer by MamaSarah1104 at 11:32 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Anon ... Most Christians seek out Christian-specific advice because they want a solution that honors God. Your suggestion dishonors God by destroying the marriage covenant between the OP, her husband, and God. Perhaps you could simply respect her wish.
    Gal51

    Answer by Gal51 at 12:20 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • It sounds to me like he doesn't appreciate you. If I were in your place I would tell him we need to talk and tell him everything that is bothering you. Then give him the choice to straiten up or you'll have to leave for a while. Sometimes they realize what they lost or may lose and change. If he really doesn't care then in the end there isn't really much you can do. GL hun and sorry your going through this. (HUGS)
    jnsdrf

    Answer by jnsdrf at 11:35 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Also I know it's just a fictional movie, but you should watch Fireproof, it's very inspiring. They also make a book called the Love Dare which outlines the 40 day plan that Kirk Cameron goes through in the movie. It's a book about keeping the love going by doing 40 things 40 different days. My dad owns it and loved it. I'd recommend it to anyone whether their marriage is going great or not so smooth. http://www.amazon.com/Love-Dare-Stephen-Kendrick/dp/0805448853/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1282232154&sr=8-1 you can see inside the book and get an idea of what the dare's look like. Also I've seen this carried at my local Walmart. Good Luck and God Bless.
    MamaSarah1104

    Answer by MamaSarah1104 at 11:37 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • how does he feel? with men sometimes they put their feelings on something other than what's causing their strife. maybe its a work thing and he doesnt feel like he can tell you about it. maybe he's in such a funk that he doesnt want to bring you down too, but doesnt know that us women always blame ourselves first. ask him (w/out accusing him) if he's mad at you. you are assuming the worst. it might be you, it might not, but if you dont ask him, you wont know.

    my dad criticized every thing my mom ever did...and still does...but that doesnt mean he doesnt love her. y'all just need to communicate how you are feeling. use i statements ( like "i feel") instead of you statements ("you make me feel") as it will make him less likely to get defensive. also, is he a Christian? could you talk to your minister and see if he can help? sometimes it takes a man to get a man to understand his duty as husband.
    okmanders

    Answer by okmanders at 12:38 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Don't listen to Nikkivan!
    .Faeriemom.

    Answer by .Faeriemom. at 3:18 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • How is his faith in the Lord? Before my husband and I started going to church regularly, and dh got saved we had similar problems. I knew he still loved me but I didn't feel it. He even asked my sister when he was going to meet my boyfriend(ugh) and confronted his brother bc he thought we might be having an affair(geesh) but now that he is developing this strong faith and relationship with God he has changed greatly. He smiles for no reason, doesn't let things get to him like before bc he has that relationship with God.
    crazymom21

    Answer by crazymom21 at 3:33 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Express this stuff to him! He sounds depressed, I don't think he's just unhappy with you, it's everything! Sometimes we do all we can to try and hold a relationship together when God may be giving you signs that you need to do otherwise. Don't let him bring you down! Pray on it, and ask for guidance on what you should do. I told my fiance that I was going to leave before (bags packed told him I had a ride, I was serious!) because of almost the same reasons, and it was like it finally clicked, if he's that miserable the last thing he's going to want to lose is you, and maybe it'll take something like that for him to finally realize how good he has it w you. But also, you can't change him, trust me, he has to be low enough to never want to be that way again.
    bianchi01

    Answer by bianchi01 at 11:37 AM on Aug. 19, 2010

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN