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How do I help my MIL?

Hi, this is going to be kinda long...sorry. My MIL is ill...I think. Her house is disguisting and unsanitary to the point that I refuse to eat there or let my son go to her house. (not trying to be mean) Her husband died several years ago and she still thinks his ghost is visiting her daily. (in the form of butterflies) I'm worried about her. My hubby is at his wits end. He has tried talking to her, taking her places with him and us...everything. Nothing is working. I try to get her to walk with me she refuses and says she hates walking. I cannot get her to do anything for herself even change her own lightbulbs or batteries in her smoke alarm. She's only 57! I guess my question is, does anyone have any suggestions or ideas for what we (my hubby and I) can do to help her?

Answer Question
 
raybell

Asked by raybell at 3:20 AM on Oct. 8, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • put her in a foster home! or whatever u call it, where all the old people are at.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:24 AM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • put her in a nursing home so she can get her act straight!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:24 AM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • Lol, a foster home/nursing home would be wonderful...BUT, I think my hubby would object! Ha, seriousness though...if anyone has advice I would appreciate it. (The jokes me laugh though, keep 'em comming)
    raybell

    Answer by raybell at 3:29 AM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • I don't think they were joking! lol sorry...Sounds like she needs it actually because she isn't exactly stable in her mind and also lazy. Have you tried threatening that to her to see if she straightens up?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:57 AM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • I believe they do have those assisted living condo's or apartments for women in her age (I believe its open to %%+). It's not for people that can't take care of themselves - but its a senior community, and they have some people that come by time to time and "check in" -- plus there is less care and maintenance in condo or apartment living. It might give her the chance to make some friends and branch out. If she refuses that - what about hiring someone to come clean her house? Perhaps its just too much for her to keep up on. Get her enrolled in some senior activities? Get her involved in the Lion's club or something similar? It sounds like she needs some friends.
    Serafyna

    Answer by Serafyna at 4:08 AM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • I hope my kids don't think of me the way these other moms do! For crying out loud, even if I did go nuts or lazy I would hope my kids would still love me enough to put up with me!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:35 AM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • If she owns her own home and pays her own bills it would seem horribly wrong to me to put her in "a home", if it bothered you that much, just stay away from her. Honestly though, maybe it would help her to get out of the slump she's in if she could get in contact with some old friends, or make some new friends that share a common interest with her.

    Lornamay

    Answer by Lornamay at 4:40 AM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • Are there any other family members that can help? I would all get together and first get her place cleaned up and then I would start working on her. If she wants to believe that her husband visits her every day don't argue with her about it, let her have that one thing but I would tell her if she doesn't start taking care of herself you are going to have to put her in a assisted living facility.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 6:13 AM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • She is probably in an extreme depression. If it were me I would go over and clean her house so me and the kids could go over there, no matter how nasty it is. Seeing her grandchild may give her a reason to want to come out of whatever is wrong with her. She is not just lazy she is probably very sick and not the "cough, cough" kind. If she has no desire to live then she isn't going to care for herself or her house. And you or hubby have to help her with that. Or she will just die alone.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 7:17 AM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • There's a great program for people who need a little help but don't quite need a nursing home. I worked under it for years. It's through Medicare I think, but I would visit these people and help them bathe, do thier laundry, clean up for them, cook some meals for them, take them to their doctors appointments, do their shopping...You could have her evaluated to see if she qualified for something like this. It sounds like she might be mentally ill or have early Alzheimer's. She ounds like a perfect candidate for this program. Good luck!
    mamapotter

    Answer by mamapotter at 7:21 AM on Oct. 8, 2008

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