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DS exhibiting violent behaviors towards younger DS (Advice?)

My boys are about a year and a half apart. The older boy -6- has been extremely agressive towards the younger boy -nearly 5- lately. He'll hit him, kick him, throw toys at him and then when the younger boy tells me and I discipline the older boy (we talk about it and then I usually spank him. With my hand only.) he goes back, behind my back, and "punishes" the younger boy for telling on him. It's escalated lately. Twice this week, the younger boy has accused the older boy of choking him and both times, the older boy admitted that he had. This is starting to really scare me. I expect a certain amount of sibling rivalry, etc from my boys but his behavior is going beyond that when he hurts the younger boy for telling and the choking... is just too much. I've tried talking to him about it. He just clams up. This has to stop now before he really hurts his brother.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:22 PM on Aug. 19, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (6)
  • A lot of times when older children start becoming more agressive/violent towards younger children it's because they're going through something deeper. This is speaking if the violence is sudden or progressively gets worse overtime. Sometimes children who are abused, neglected, teased, bullied, molested, etc can exibit behaviors towards other kids. Now, I am going to assume that your children aren't abused, neglected, or molested, at least I would hope not. However, it's possible that the older child might be bullied or teased at school by his peer. Causing him to feel angry, which causes him to take it out on his younger sibling.

    Also, children who act in this manner towards other children have behavioral problems. If your son is doing this without remorse, without regret, then I would seek help for him immediately. That could be a sign of him being a sociopath, which is serious.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 2:25 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Whichever it is I would take your older son to a therapist or couselor (not a school counselor) to see if you can some to some sort of light about the situation. It sounds as though your son is troubled whether it be from an outside source or within himself. Either way it shouldn't be ignored in any manner.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 2:26 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Well said JazzlikeMraz, I completely agree!
    SabrenaLeigh

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 2:29 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • I would suggest a therapist but I don't know much help they truly are. I always find that therapists or counselors make things worse. So I really don't know. Give it a shot.
    GinNTonic

    Answer by GinNTonic at 2:41 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Start with your pediatrician for advice. Let them know how serious it has become. Think about anything that has changed in your son's life that can be the source of this. And make sure he is getting enough one on one time with you and DH, plus positive reinforcement and praise when he does things right. Sometimes they go for the negative attention when they feel they are not getting positive attention. I wish you all the best.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:40 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • I struggle through this with my older two my eight year old son dose this to my four year old daughter.I think that it has something to do with what is going on at his fathers house (we are no longer together). While we were together he would beat on my and all kinds of different stuff that is exactly why he is my ex. I believe that he is seeing this going on at his fathers house with the new girlfriend. I have a restraining order on him but he still has most of the time with the children. Are you and the father still together? Have they been somewhere where they can witness violence? I don't even let my children watch cartoons with violence where they hit and kick and argue all the time. I either let them watch Nick Jr. or Boomerang cause they are old cartoons that do not condone aggressive killing violence. I am in need of help and am sorry to hear that I am not the only one..... yet at the same time I know its not just me.
    agriffinmom4

    Answer by agriffinmom4 at 2:43 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

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