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How can I make him realize how lonely and frusrated I feel?

My SO and I have had this discussion a couple of times now. We have been together for three years and married for a year and a half. I am way more interested in sex than he is, and have reached the point that I wont even initiate sex because of the fear of rejection or him falling asleep ( yes it has happened). I have talked to him about how I feel, its not even so much sex as it is I just want to be held, I want to feel loved and needed. Even when we kiss it is always a quick peck and its over. I dont know what else to do. I am over weight and that has always been a big issue with my self esteem, but I have been losing weight and he swears he doesnt care abotu the weight, as long as I am healthy. What can I do to get him to realize how much I am hurt by this.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:12 AM on Oct. 8, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • I have encountered the same issues, so believe me you are not alone. Depending on your age, you may be at your sexual peak. Men have their sexual peak earlier. Try not to let it get you down because if he is working hard or stressed about other things, he may not want to have sex.I would try to talk to him and even try different things in your relationship, like role playing or something. I could have ot twice a day everyday but with him I have been glad to receive it three times a week. Just catch him at the right time or perhaps oral stimulation. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:54 AM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • He may be a very sensitive person and if he is stressed, sex just goes out the window. Also if he is tired. And he just may be the type of person that isn't as sexual as you. People often think that men are wired to be ready all the time. But a lot of men are not that different from women. My bf's marriage was that way and among many other reasons, that was one of their problems where the ex eventually left him for another man. Granted, I think there was a dynamic where the ex was pressuring him and making him feel bad about himself by demanding this and that. With me he is more sexual - but not as much as other boyfriends I've had which is fine with me. We do it once or twice a week and only when he initiates it. I tried once and like you experienced, he wasn't in the mood and told me so (made me feel bad so I never initiated again but it was during a stressful period in his life too).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:06 AM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • Be open & honest with him about how you feel and about what you need from him. but also keep in mind that he may feel as though you  don't  understand how he really feels and if this is the case your relationship may become even harder to fix & understand. He may not be reacting to your needs because he feels as though your not  noticing  his feelings as well. so just sit down and talk to him.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:00 AM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • Great post above: Answered at 8:00 AM on Oct. 8, 2008 by: Anonymous . Each turns inward because each one thinks the other one doesn't understand them. Over the long run, this can really hurt your relationship because you drift further and further apart. It is important to sit and gently discuss what is happening and asking him how he feels too and if his needs are being met. Understanding and empathy are the key.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 11:04 AM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • Thank you all for the responces. I am 37 he is 38. I know his sex drive is much less than mine, and I am lucky if we do it once a week, it has been over a month now, and even when he is here I feel so alone. We have talked about it, and he loves me, I know he does not like to cuddle while he is alseep, I can deal with that. Sometimes I just feel like I am a house mate and not a wife.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:09 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

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