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how do you deal with a mother who refuses to get along with either so/hubbys side of family

my mom insists that we have to have 2 or more of everything when it comes to dd. (ie parties, thanksgiving, christmans ect. ) she says that his family needs to do what they want and then she will deal with it for our family. i dont like this one bit but she wont listen to me.

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shortstuff69

Asked by shortstuff69 at 9:23 PM on Aug. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Level 9 (359 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • i'd flat out tell her no - you're a family right? say that you are a family so if she wants to be apart of things then he can play nice
    MoMoFu

    Answer by MoMoFu at 9:27 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • If that was in my family, I would talk to her about how rediculous that it, and let her know she will have to get along w/ them or stay away from the parties, there will be no double-parties just to please her. Who she invites to HER home is her buisness, but she should not dictate what others do !

    There!! That's my oppinion! :-D
    Nynne

    Answer by Nynne at 9:28 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • You need to explain to your mother that it's not about HER!! YOU and YOUR HUSBAND are more than capable of deciding where and when you hold parties for YOUR children. She can either show up and enjoy the day with her grandchildren, or miss out. But she needs to realize that she is no longer in control of your life--unless you allow her to!

    I'm an only child, and my single mother refused to come to her ONLY grandson's Christening, because it interfered with her GOLF TOURNAMENT!! Mind you my mother was RETIRED at the time! Yeah, let's just say, she's missed out on MANY other special events since, because she refuses to compromise! We went ahead with the Christening and every event thereafter. We refuse to give in to her selfish demands!
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 9:29 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • I say GO for it - who wants their child to be around tension and fighting if in laws or whatever don't get along - we usually have 2 for our son because my husbands side lives an hour away - so my family has a party then we go up to his parents for another - never on the same day or and sometimes not even on the same weekend but that is twice the fun and special for our son and he doesn't have to be around the negativity either... as long as WE are not paying for 2 seperate ones I don't have a problem with it-
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 9:29 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • It was opposite for me. When we got married, I thought that birthdays and holidays were going to be a breeze...my entire family lives within 5 minutes of me, only my hubby parents are here...his siblings live down south in Texas and Louisiana... so what is just two more chairs... right... WRONG.... my uptight, condescending InLaws would not participate in anything if my family was there. Strange because everything is always at my house.   They would come up with lame excuses not to attend my kids birthday parties or my holiday open house, so I just stopped inviting them.

    WoodWitch

    Answer by WoodWitch at 9:31 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Some of this seems reasonable
    example...holidays, we split. Sometimes we go to his side and my side all in the same day, or sometimes we do the day before at his and the day of at mine. So I believe that is reasonable, to split the time, or to make 2 stops.
    My grandpa usually hosts Thanksgiving for example, his Grandma usually hosts on his side, so We go to his grandma's the day after Thanksgiving usually.

    As for Birthdays and things you are in charge of for you children, she is going to have to come to the common place.
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 9:34 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • my mother was the same way, but she just doesn't come to events so it doesn't matter. if you have the parties at your house and she comes there isn't much she can do about it. Maybe it is a comfort issue with her.
    kbishop8688

    Answer by kbishop8688 at 9:39 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • You need to figure out how YOU want to do things... if you plan a party & your mother doesn't like that you invited the inlaws then she needs to get over it.

    If you dont like it. you take over & change it.

    lilmoosesmom

    Answer by lilmoosesmom at 9:47 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • well i see where your comming from, but just so you know, thats how most people do it. at least my family and all of my extended family and everybody i know basically... at least as far as holidays go, on christmas, we go to my parents house, and then to my SO's parents house. all of my aunts, they do the same thing.. however, when we had my sons first birthday... we threw the party and had both sides come all together.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 9:48 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

  • Long as nothing comes out of your pocket.
    mamaofficer

    Answer by mamaofficer at 9:58 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

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