Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

My daughter needs Help, and I dont know what to do...... adult content

I have recently ended a 14 yr relationship w/my youngest dd dad. My oldest turned him in to cps for mental & physical abuse. well she has ADD, LD, depression, a few other things so ash is a hard kid to raise and I am physically disabled so when it came time for punishing the gitls kenny would do it. he was rougher on ash than kk and he did call her names and he did hit her more than kk. his thing was ash is older she should know better. but ashs mentally like a 8-10 yr old even though she is 16. so kenny willingly left the house about3 weeks ago and ever since than ash has been disrespectful to me she hasnt listened to me she wont do her chores and she is pocking fights w/ me and kk. its almost like kens not here i can do what i want. we go to family/ind. therapy wkly, and we have gotten back in church. the worse thing is they are gettin me 4 neglect bc i didnt stop him. all of us need help and i dont know what to do plz help

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:21 AM on Aug. 20, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (13)
  • IMO, you should not have allowed him to hit them at all. They are teenagers... almost adults, that's abuse. It's not like you can spank a 16 year old...
    If you're daughter is acting out, don't act like someone that can't do anything about it. You are the mom, stand up for yourself. I find it helps to use a deeper voice (that way you're not shrilly screaming) and tell her exactly what you'd like her to do.
    Mom2unangel

    Answer by Mom2unangel at 2:30 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Contact a local women's shelter, they usually have many resources to help- including a place to stay when domestic violence is present in the home and you have nowhere else to go. They also offer counseling and many other services!
    Annabel1809Lee

    Answer by Annabel1809Lee at 2:32 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • SORRY BUT I TELL U THE TRUTH = YEA U SHOULD HAVE STOP HIS ASS , HE HAD NO RIGHT TO DO THAT TO YOUR KIDS , AND U ANT ON BETTER FOR LETING HIM DO IT ! IM SORRY BUT U SHOULD HAVE DONT SOMETHING ABOUT IT ! OH BY THE WAY U CAN REALLY GET IN TO TRUBLE BI THE C.P.S AND THE LAWS WHEN ITS HAS TO DO WITH KIDS ! GOOD LUCK U GOING TO NEED IT !
    lightbulbe

    Answer by lightbulbe at 2:33 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • How could you let a man abuse your children? I think the best thing to do at this point is to sit them both down, tell them that you royally screwed them over, and that you are sorry. And any bad behavior you are getting right now is to be expected - of course kids who are living in chaos and confusion act out. Being physically disabled IS NO EXCUSE for being a bad parent. So stop your pity party and get yourself together, those girls need you.
    getrealmama

    Answer by getrealmama at 2:36 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • When families rely on punishment and hitting all kinds of problems can come about when kids become teens. I'm sorry to say it's too late now. Just try to do the best to live with each other until the kids are on their own.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 2:44 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • You guys, please don't assume that it's so easy to stop an abuser from abusing. It's not easy. In fact, it's nearly impossible in SOME situations. And leaving can be just as hard if not harder. Give her a break & try to remember that you're not in her shoes. You don't know the whole situation & you don't know what you would do if actually in her place. You may know what you THINK you would do. But until you are there, you don't know for sure. And I'm speaking from personal and professional experience. I've been in an abusive relationship & I work for a domestic violence/sexual assault advocacy program.
    OP- stick with the therapy & keep reassuring her that you love her no matter what. Lots of kid who are abused for long periods of time don't know how to handle things once the abuse is taken away. Choose your method of discipline & stick with it. Consistency will be a huge help in the months to come. You can pm if you want info
    Megs5384

    Answer by Megs5384 at 2:44 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • You aren't getting a foot further if you do not stop guilt tripping your self. Yes it WAS neglect in the eyes of some, ...."who?" Who cares!! Go ahead and take CARE of yourSELF now *they'll live through this, just as you ......(have).* If you noticed things were getting bad, let it be, .. now counseling is ensured, and so is church. This is a time to have no regrets. No matter what did happen, it was before . Take the children someplace to remind them that you need time as much as they do. Like a pet shelter where in the
    "before shelter"" time the puppies had it bad, and then the "after .... when a family takes them home time'", the puppies are loved and healed. Like an explanation- to a -different form of happy- ending.
    coffeeyum

    Answer by coffeeyum at 2:54 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • i do take responsibility for my actions andi know that being disabled is not an excuse, but i too was being mentally abused. when we 1ed got together t was physical, but after i got sick, that stoped. i agree, i should have stopped him, but physically i couldnt. ive had 6 major surgeries in the past few yrs not counting all the hosp. stays and er visits. im not naking excuses just trying to let u understand. as far as calling the law, his family is the law here. when this came up he left willingly bc he knows that my kids come 1ed. i have already told cps that i will go through parenting and anger classes and all 3 of us have been in therapy for yrs now. they want me to send ash to a psych ward here in town or a group home 3 hrs from here and im afraid she will think i dont love her or she did something wrong if i do and thats not the truth. she hasnt done anything wrong.
    kennysspaz

    Answer by kennysspaz at 3:36 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • oh also this didnt just recenty start, kenny has raised ash since she was 2 and it wasnt whippin them/ her he would hit her across the back, pull her hair, ect. all of it is WRONG, and i did try to stop him. thats all 4 now. i will keep u posted as to what happens thanks 4 the advice.
    kennysspaz

    Answer by kennysspaz at 3:42 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • He had no right to touch them at all. Name calling and abuse are NOT effective dicsipline so now you have undisciplined teens. They have been taught to act the way they are through you to being poor parents. You probably will have to just not allow the use of your phone, computer, car, tv, etc. if the chores are not done. You have no power over her as a person...only the things she likes. Use what you have and if you have the money get a nanny or other individual to help moniter thier coming and leaving and some of the cleaning.
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 3:25 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN