Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

What are your rules for your 14 year old daughters?

I grew up in a VERY strict home so I'm having trouble with where to draw the line. My 14 y.o. daughter wants to "date" a 16 y.o. boy, get rides to and from school with boys and girls, and basically go wherever she wants. A friend told me that if we let her do everything now there will be nothing special to look forward to at 15 and 16. I hadn't thought of it that way. I just want to know what rules normal parents have. In our town it appears that most parents let their kids do just about anything. Including supplying their alcohol!!! Insane!
And do the same rules apply for 14 y.o. boys?

Answer Question

Asked by Meeshelle08 at 8:51 AM on Aug. 20, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (33 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • My son is 14. He "dates". But, they don't go anywhere or do anything. It is all at school, on the phone or over the computer. LOL He rides to town with 16 y/o boys. No girls. And he rides the bus to and from school. Mine has had a sip of wine from a glass I was drinking. I will NOT supply alcohol. I don't let him date older or more than one grade lower. He walks to his friends house down the road about a mile. He doesn't get to go and do like your daughter wants to do. Although I am not strict...he just doesn't ask.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 8:57 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Nope, going out with a 16 year old boy by herself is not a option. Group dates at 14 are OK. I wouldn't let her get a ride to school from friends either. You need to know she made it to school.

    I would apply the same rules to 14 year old boys. I think until they are that age then they shouldn't be doing it. What I mean is when she is 16 and she is legal to drive (whether she is driving or not) then she could go with kids in cars to hang out or to school.

    2 year is a lot when they are teenagers. I hope I made sense.


    Answer by Cindy18 at 9:00 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • My teens entertained their friends at our home. They were not allowed to go wherever they pleased to go. To allow them to do so is to invite trouble. You don't have to call them rules. You can call them guidelines, because that is more what they should be. They are the lines whereby you safely guide your children into adulthood. No 14-year old I have ever met has the self-control to make her emotions and her hormones come into line and be submissive to one another. So, Mom, that is your job to help her with that. My children never felt deprived, and yes, they were different even then. The tendency is for parents to just want them out of their hair and little thought is given to the long-term consequences that await children who are given too much freedom too soon. I don't guess we would have been considered normal parents, but our children have turned out very well. God has really honored the choices that we made.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:02 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • My daughter is now 17 but at the age of 14 she was not allowed in anyone's vehicles unless it was a parent driving. She was not allowed to date any boys older than herself and if she wanted to hang out at friends homes, there had to be a parent present. Now that she is a senior in high school, she has much more freedom. She is not free to do as she pleases, but we aren't making her feel suffocated either.


    Answer by shanlaree at 9:03 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • boys and girls do have SOME differing rules because of the different threat involved. Your son isn't gonna get pregnant. Nor are most HS-aged boys going to be approached by grown men as HS boys tend to harder targets given their adult size and build.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 9:13 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Look back to what you considered very strict and glean from it the rules that were actually the best. If you don't want your daughter to date yet, or son to date yet......say no. If you don't want her in cars with classmates, tell her. And no, she doesn't need to go where she wants when she wants. Give her a curfew. Simple rules that aren't too restricting....know her friends, know her boyfriend, insist on meeting him, don't allow him to honk at the driveway to pick her up. Same rules should apply to boys that apply to girls. For those that are so freaking worried about their girls getting pregnant......its those teenaged sons that are helping! It takes two to get pregnant. Teach abstinence, teach condom use, and don't assume that your teens are having sex because if you teach right, they might not be.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 11:38 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • I think she should have the same rules you had as a 14 year old. better safe then sorry. I was 14 when my parents let me start dating and they thought they supporvised me and my 16 year old boyfriend heavily but I ended up losing my virginity to him, getting pregnant, and feeling stupid. I was a good Christian girl but I was given too much freedom too young and at that age teens cant handle that kind of power.

    I have been through it first hand if you want to message me and talk. I say strict rules, strict supervision, strict parenting. I would never wish teen pregnancy on anyone and if something bad happens you will blame yourself forever.

    Answer by amber710 at 3:13 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • She should not be in a car with a teenager. It is illegal in a lot of states. What does your state say? Transportation to and from movies, mall, etc. should be with a parent. Kids should be entertaining in their home only with their parents there. Do not buy into "everyone elses parents let them".

    Answer by tootoobusy at 6:26 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • I have a 15 yr old daughter... she is not allowed to date.
    And as far as riding in cars... you need to find out what your local laws are. It is illegal here for two kids under 18 to ride in a car together unless they are siblings.

    Answer by sahlady at 3:27 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • My daughter turned 15 yesterday. Our rule is no dating until sixteen. No car rides

    Answer by rkoloms at 8:08 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.