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Guilt for yelling. How do I stop yelling?

My daughter who is 7 took 45 minutes to get dressed she wanted to wear this and that, and I kept saying no, I nearly lost my lid. She does this all the time, every single day. Reason for saying no was she needs to wear her camp t, and she can't wear pants it is too hot. Even when I pick out her clothes. So, then I started screaming it makes you feel like a lousy mom. I feel so guilty all though we hugged and said I love you when we left each other this morning. I keep thinking omg she is probably worried all day, and I am worried too. How do I stop the insanity? How do I stop yelling? I know it does not work anyway.

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KFree907

Asked by KFree907 at 10:28 AM on Aug. 20, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 20 (8,947 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I know exactly how u must be feeling. I yell all the time and dont know how to control it either. Its like an automatic thing it happens without me even thinking about doing it. I too feel so bad after I do it and wish I too knew how to control it. Your right yelling doesnt work and it could get passed on to ur kids, hate to say that but its true. My daughter is starting to yell at her brothers and I sit and think why am I doing this? She obviously learned it from me so why do I do it? I hope you find a way to cope with getting mad and not yell so much in the future. good luck mama and dont give up just try to think before doing.
    kgmmw

    Answer by kgmmw at 10:32 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Pick out all the clothes for the next day at night before you go to bed, and unless there is a real emergency, allow no changes to be made. Tell your daughter that as her mom, she is to accept all your decisions as final and that no arguing will be allowed without consequences for the disrespect. Keep as your goal the idea of respect for your authority, which at seven, she has perfectly good ability to understand. Just as she would not be allowed to argue with a teacher or a principal at school, she is not allowed to argue with her mother. Tell her that she will be told no one time, and there will be no arguments after that. She is seven, not twenty-two. It sounds like she may never have learned the concept of respect for mom's authority and that's what is important here.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:33 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • I have that problem, too. I have learned to control it a little bit because I learned that I yell when I am frustrated. You can try and plan things out better, like picking the clothes out the night before, and setting specific rules and consequences that are the same every time, no surprises. If you are finally in control, the frustration goes out the window. For instance, my kids are always arguing and fighting, (they are 7 and 3 year old boys). When they argue now, they do chores together. It is something they expect, and it gives me a sense of control and stops the fighting, at least for 15 minutes or so...LOL
    momof3josephs

    Answer by momof3josephs at 10:54 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • If she is too young to figure out that she's too hot by wearing too many clothes one day, you need to select her clothes for her. Then, you can either dress her at the speed you think is reasonable or let her dress however fast she does. Away from the 100 other choices.

    You're angry and frustrated because you really believe that it is your job to control your kid: what she thinks, what she does, how she approaches life, how long she takes, etc. The frustration you are experiencing is because your expectations are out of alignment with reality. You can tell when they're out of alignment with reality when you get frustrated.

    Back up the bus a bit: is is necessary for her to wear exactly the right clothes? If you believe it is, she's right there with you, paralyzed in fear that she's going to get it wrong and not having a clue what the 'right' ones might be... Can you let her make a few mistakes?
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 11:05 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • The night before you need to select 3 outfits that she can choose from to wear. Its all about power. she wants to feel in control with what she wears, its her body. but at the same time, you want her to look nice. So pick out 3 outfits and let her choose which one to wear. Maybe 1 day a week you let her choose what to wear, just bit your tongue when it doesn't match. I have a 7 year old... sometimes she dresses in the craziest outfits, but ive learn to let that battle go. Life is so much easier. There are things to worry about, like brushing teeth, and things that truely don't matter.. like clothes.
    MKSers

    Answer by MKSers at 2:52 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • What has helped me with my boys is clearing their closets of fall/winter weather clothing in spring/summer, and then clearing out their spring/summer clothes in fall/winter and putting the clothes in storage bins.

    I hang all of their clothes--shirts on the top bar, and bottoms on the bottom bar, so they can see all of their options and have learned how to coordinate well!

    Also, all of their clothes are "mix and match" just about every top coordinates with every bottom, so they can choose whatever they want from what is available. They also only have white sox...so no arguing there..I don't care which underwear they select!! LOL :o)
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 6:42 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

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