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Frustrated at my DH

It seems like a constant thing to me.... but I'm always asking him to do things for me as I'm going to bed. He goes to bed so much later than I do so I'll ask him to take out the trash, or like last night I asked him to wash out our daughters sippy cup. So I wake up this morning and what do I still see full of milk..... yup.... my DDs sippy cup. I dont know why its so hard for him to help me out around the house. I mean the kitchen still needs to be cleaned from last nights dinner because he said he'd do it. Now I have more crap I have to do today to clean the house. What should I do to get him to help me more?

 
KrazyKutie

Asked by KrazyKutie at 10:52 AM on Aug. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,424 Credits)
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Answers (20)
  • If you expect him to help them maybe he doesn't understand that as a SAHM you also still need help at home. You both work thru the day and once he comes home, you BOTH still have a job to do.

    Maybe you should sit down and talk about the things that you each should be responsible for in the evenings. That way it's more or less drawn out and you know where you each stand on responsibilities.

    He may think that since you SAH, you are responsible for EVERYTHING that has to do with the home. That is not the case. He is also responsible so if he cannot do half once he gets home, that leaves you with it all and feeling unfair.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 1:41 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • So because he goes to bed later than you, he should do the chores that you have put off?

    I can see asking him to take out the trash (more commonly a mans chore) but rinsing out a sippy? That takes like a minute so in the time it took you to tell/ask him to do it, you could have done it.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:56 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Are you asking or telling?

    It has been my experience that asking someone if they can do something is... different from giving instructions.

    Generally, it's simpler and more direct if you say 'do the last of the dishes and take out the garbage before you come to bed, dear,' rather than 'can you do the dishes and garbage' because one is a question (with an honest answer that 'yes' without being 'yes I will') and the other is direction.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 10:58 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Stop doing everything for him. Your house will not be condemed if you don't do the dishes today.
    Mommy2Gabrielle

    Answer by Mommy2Gabrielle at 10:54 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • A man's chore? There is no man's chore or woman's chore. So I guess doing the dishes and doing laundry most be "woman's chores" . I would express your frustration to him. This is an equal relationship. You guys needed to work together not assign "man or woman chores". Take turns. You cook the meals he cleans them. That's what hubby and I agreed to and it works great.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 11:04 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Krazykutie, i know where you are coming from. My dh does the same thing, and when i ask him to do something, he usually says yes love...i will do that before i go to bed. so i go to bed and when i wake up in the morning what i have asked him to do is still not done...it puts me in a bad mood for the rest of the day! So sorry i can't help with your question as my hubby only helps out when it is convenient for him and no one else..But just wanted to let you no you are not alone in this situation!
    Good Luck!!
    mommylisar

    Answer by mommylisar at 11:05 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • You're driving yourself crazy over little things. Just do them yourself. Rinse out the cup. Remind him of the trash the next day or just do it. You may not think it's "fair" that you do it all but the stress of him ignoring your requests is obviously only affecting you - not him. All I expect of my husband is to go to work and come home. The rest is up to me and if he happens to surprise me and do something around the house then it's an added bonus.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 11:05 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Your first problem is that he goes to bed AFTER you... IMO a healthy marriage means going to bed together every night... My Hubby's gone a month or more with his job and we still go to bed at the same time. When he's home it would feel wierd if he were to stay up and I went to bed.
    Become a team, rather than working against each other, work together.....
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:22 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Well, I'm sure you're not going to like my answer, but I say tough. Deal with it. Part of getting to stay home means you get to deal with ALL the general house work. It's lame that he'd just wants to spend his non-work time playing games instead of doing stuff with the family, but that's another issue.

    coder_chick

    Answer by coder_chick at 11:36 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Let me know if you find out. It takes my df 3 days to take the trash out! He wont change diapers and NEVER does dishes. I cannot remember the last time he even offered, but I know they werent clean.
    SabrenaLeigh

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 10:54 AM on Aug. 20, 2010

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