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Just found out my ex is engaged am I over reacting?

Ive been married for a while and during that time my DH and I had a rough road. I cheated on him with a wonderful man but couldn't bring myself to leave DH because of the security and for our children. The man I cheated with still loves me and I still love him. He told me he is only with this woman so he isn't alone. He just asked me to marry him again about 2 weeks prior to me finding out about this. Im hurt and angry but not sure why? What do I do to make the hurt go away? Oh I should add that now DH and I are doing well but still not the romantic love that I had with the other man and he is what I desire.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on Oct. 8, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • In my opinion, if you want to be with another man, you need to get a divorce. Having an affair goes against everything that a marriage stands for. And I don't think that staying together for your children's sake is a good idea. Would you want your kids to grow up knowing that you stayed in an unhappy marriage for their sake? And about the ex's engagement: do you think it's fair for her to wait around for you if you have no intention on getting a divorce?

    Answer by alysmommy0909 at 11:43 AM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • This guy your talking about is an affair you had..This just my opinion...You have know right to be angry..Your married to another man...Does you husband know your still talking to him????


    Answer by louise2 at 11:46 AM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • I know it should have never happened. But my DH emotionally had abandoned me and the kids when we had the last one. I was left to do it all alone. I was lonely and very unhappy. I know I don have the right to be angry but I am. Im hurt im sad but yet I am happy he wont be alone. He told me I was the only one etc....I know stupid me but I guess I figured he'd be there if I left DH.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 AM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • You had an affair with a guy and he asked you to marry him even though you are married? Okay...well, you have no right to be mad. You cheated and he's moving on with his life. You need to do the same. (No offense not trying to be harsh just honest)

    Answer by raybell at 12:12 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • You actually don't have the right to be angry but, you can't help how you feel because well, he's your "back-up" plan. You wanted him to be there for the "just in case" situation and to be frank...what kind of way is that for any man to live?! If you aren't well with your DH then by all means leave him, why pull him around on a string when you aren't fully into your relationship? Let him find someone for him that is his all the way. As for your affair, well I would let him go and be happy..if he's willing to ask you to marry him two wks before you find out he's engaged and have an affair with you while you are married then he's simply put: a damned dog who is looking to lay what he can when he can.

    Answer by lilsweetredhead at 12:30 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • you just have to give it time. you put yourself in this mess by cheating in the first place and you want an easy way out. that's not really fair to your DH who did nothing wrong and the pain you put him through. i think you deserved what you got it was your choice and you should have to deal with the consequences. when your DH leaves you maybe then that cheater will leave his girl for you. i would just sit back and wait. eventually that is whats going to happen anyway.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • My guess is that now that he will be married, you two will continue your affair - only you are both married. You both profess that you are still in love with each other and "settling" by being married to people you don't love as much. Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:47 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • My DH didn't do anything wrong? He left us when he couldn't handle being a father. He also said that he didnt want our kids after he had them. I understand that what I did was wrong and trust me it won't happen again. I am no longer having the affair with him and won't. I was looking for someone to be there for me emotionally when DH wasn't and one thing led to another. I didn't go looking for it but it happened and now I have to deal with it.
    I am happy for him but still more sad than angry.
    And I do love my husband now but didn't then.
    I am not in love with the other man anymore like I was its more of a friend love than a romantic love at this point. I think I miss the feeling of the new love.
    But I don't want to go down that road ever again!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:23 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

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