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3 Bumps

conflicts of the heart....

The last 4 of 5 years with my husband have been hell on my heart.

Recently, my first love got back in contact with me.

It has stirred up a ton of emotion in me. We didn't split on bad terms really, we were VERY young (we were together from age 13 to 15, no breaks..) I broke it off with him because I wanted to be selfish and see what else was around. I started dating my hubby at 17 and found myself pregnant 4 months into the relationship.

If I was truely happy would my heart and mind be wandering like this?

Me and my ex have pretty much agreed that we have found no one as good to us as we were together. The fact we were together so long at such an age makes us feel we truely had something deep and special. Is it possible that we could still have something?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:42 PM on Aug. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Youre married and probably not that happily. I think its unfair that you are even talking to your ex at this point, of course you are wondering if the grass is greener. The grass is only greener on the side that is watered and cared for. So stop talking to the ex, figure out what the problem is and try and get into therapy with him. Or be done but this isnt fair what you are doing to yourself, your husband and the ex.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 1:46 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • very possible... but if you are going to try anything you should at least be on a trial seperation from your husband...
    twinmama2009

    Answer by twinmama2009 at 1:52 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Why has the last year of your marriage been bad? Do you have any kids?
    Avon_Girlie

    Answer by Avon_Girlie at 1:53 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Nope. Not at this point in time. Happiness is a choice, and you must choose to be happy with your husband. Happiness is much more about what we give than what we get from others. You need to break all ties with the guy from your past, and concentrate all your emotions and efforts on your husband. The grass always greener in the place where we aren't, but it's always an illusion.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:54 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • It could very much be possible that you and your ex have something that you don't have with your hubby. I am a true believe that if your in a relationship that is just not bringing you happiness and there are nothing left in the tool box to fix the feelings or the love for one another is just not there or just gone then end the relationship. Heal yourself then move on to find the happiness you deserve just keep in mind that there are/is child/ren involved and other peoples feelings involved also. Don't have this be another selfish piece of you coming to ahead. Don't leave your hubby and jumped to this ex's arms. also remember that this ex of yours is older and may not be the same person he was when you all were 15 yrs old. GL momma just make your decisions wisely.

    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 1:58 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • The last 4 years I have done nothing but fight for my marriage. My husband can't seems to stop lying to me. He knows I'm unhappy. He knows if he keeps messing up I will leave. I have made him very aware of this. I have been concreted into this relationship and feel I have done everything I can to keep my man happy. He has no respect for my feelings. I have no trust for him. And we lack communication (on his end). I really feel I'm only staying for my son. And part of me doesn't feel that is right.
    There are 1000 miles between me and the ex. Our conversations are purely text.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:02 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • That's something else too, I don't want to make the decision out of pure selfishness like I have in the past. I want to make the best decision. I feel like I deserve happiness. And it seems trying to get that here just isn't working.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:04 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • When you make a promise like marriage you do everything you can to make it work. Others and the outside world are just noise and distraction. If your marriage ends then you can look at dating others. But give it all you have. Stop texting this other guy. Focus on being a good wife. You can only control you.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 2:45 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Hun, I could have written this question myself. If you need anything, feel free to message me. I know how you are feeling. I finally left my fathers son. We dated for 4 years. During that time I was not happy and had frequently though of my ex (we broke up on good terms as well). What did it for me was this: do I stay for my son (which was essentially what I was doing) OR do I get out now, knowing I am not happy and be able to SHOW my son what love is like, and what a healthy, HAPPY relationship is like? I chose the latter. To me, being able to show my son what a relationship should be like, showing him the kind of relationship I want him to find someday, was what ultimately made up my mind. I hope you can get this figured out. I know how hard of situation this can be. I wish the best for you momma! Like I said, if you need to talk to someone, I'd be more than happy to listen.
    Miss_Kay

    Answer by Miss_Kay at 3:35 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • By the way, you are completely right. You DO deserve to be happy. And your child deserves to have a happy mother.
    Miss_Kay

    Answer by Miss_Kay at 3:36 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

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