Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How can i deal with my son?

Hi, I am through divorce my son puts the blame on me because his father is telling him that.. i am so worried that he'll hate me in the future, please advice me what to tell him and how to explain to him the problems.. Thank you

Answer Question

Asked by michelinek at 2:57 PM on Aug. 20, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • As long as you provide him a wonderful and loving the future, he will come to understand and realize everything. Never put your ex down in front of him and do not talk bad. Keep positive and encourage and love him and all should work out in the end.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 2:59 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • I honestly don't think there is a thing you can do or say that will help this situation. If you were the one who wanted the divorce and your husband didn't, then in his mind, he is telling the truth. And children want the home to stay the way it was, so your son will blame you for the fact that his didn't. I can't think of anything that you can say to your son except for "I'm sorry that things are the way they are." Surely you can say that much with sincerity, although in this short blurb, it sounds like you are more concerned about yourself than about your boy. You are worried that he will hate you, but you should be worried about how all this mess has affected him in the present and how it will affect him in the future.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:05 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Children don't understand sometimes why there parents aren't together so just love and care and provide for him and he will love you always. The older he gets the more understanding he will have. Divorce isn't just hard on the couple that are though it it's harder on the children.

    Answer by raemommy at 3:06 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • How terrible that your ex is telling him things that are really none of your son's business. I don't care how old the child is, the relationship b/t the parents is their own "grown-up" business. As long as your son knows you love him no matter what, he won't hate you for "breaking up the family." Bradenismyson is right, it's best to take the high road on this one. Good luck- I know this is a difficult time for all.

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 3:06 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • My sons father and I seperated when my son was 4 and went through a drug out nasty divorce.My son is 10 now. He is still healing from it. But he has seemed that over the past year to stop blaming me for his dad not being here. At times it was really hard.But we got through it. I did'nt do everything perfect and by the book, I'm human. There were times when I've snapped and told my son things I shouldnt have.Like.."oh yeah, youre dad is so perfectly wonderful..where the hell was he when all we needed was a gallon of milk and he couldnt even do that" I should have never said that. But it was very rare and far in between that I woudl snap like that.Its hard for a mom to hear the constant...its your fault, its your fault,its your fault...when you know the truth and all the while your busting your ass while jackass gets all the credit of being mr.wonderful.But, being positive benefits everyone in the end, including your child and u

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 3:12 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • keep talkin to him and be honest and in time he will see his daddy is the liar...never bad mouth his father to him or anytime he's around..always be hones with

    Answer by mekarevell at 11:45 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • will yout ex is playing mind gaames with your son and needs to go to parenting classes big time. if it were me i would tell your son that none of this is his flaut and that you love him so very much.

    Answer by ladybug36519 at 3:25 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • never put his dad down

    Answer by san78 at 6:49 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.