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2 Bumps

How do I get him to comprimise with me??

I had/have severe postpartum from a miscarriage. I am on meds and getting help. For the past two weeks i've been doing great. I've been calm and happy. When it was bad, it was REALLY bad and I took it out on my SO a lot. He is on meds for a severe anxiety disorder. The stress and fighting pushed him over the edge. He abused his medication and started smoking pot, daily. 2 weeks ago, we sat down and decided to change the way things were, since then I have found better ways to channel my bad feelings and have been handling our relationship in a calm, fair and nice way. He said he would stop smoking the pot when he ran out of what he had and take his meds correctly. Well, last night he took me and my DD to a baseball game (it was my DD's first one). Before we left, I was in the shower, he came in and gave me a kiss. He tasted like pot, so I asked him and he said he didn't smoke. I knew he was lying and he came back a few (cont)

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allfiller

Asked by allfiller at 3:31 PM on Aug. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Level 12 (802 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • minutes lately and said "I don't want to lie to you, I did smoke a little" I was upset, because he did lie to me and only told me the truth because he got caught. We went to the game and saved our needed conversation for later. We had a good time. After we got home, I put my DD to bed and my SO went out back and smoked pot again. Pretty stupid. I was upset and worried that he wasn't going to fix the issue and I needed him to listen to me. All he kept saying was "tomorrow is a new start, i'll do it right and i'm sorry. Can we drop this now" It felt like he was blowing me off. I got overworked and told him I needed a few minutes away to calm down. He kept pushing me and pushing the subject saying he didn't understand why I was upset. I begged him to let me be, started crying a little and then he said "your acting crazy again, maybe you should go take some meds" I wasn't yelling or anything and I was trying to calm down. Advice?
    allfiller

    Comment by allfiller (original poster) at 3:35 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Why would you want to compromise with him? You need to take your child and get out as fast as your legs will carry you. Let's see.....He abuses prescription meds, he smokes pot, he lies. I'm sorry but I can't see a single thing about any of that that would make me want to compromise. It's time to run like the wind!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:35 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • I come with my fair share of issues too. I don't believe on bailing on someone you love until it is a lost cause. This is not a lost cause, we hit a VERY long and hard rough patch and we both went downhill. Now, we need to help eachother get back on track, I just don't know how to help him handle things right.
    allfiller

    Comment by allfiller (original poster) at 3:41 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • I think he is better off smoking pot than any prescription medication with side effects, the only side effect I know of in pot is munchies! If he is living up to his obligations, would you rather he drink and get drunk? really this one is the best of the many evils as long as he is responsible for his obligations. Maybe you can compromise and join him see how he feels about that.
    older

    Answer by older at 3:41 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • I'm not understanding what the comrpomise you want is
    Liz132

    Answer by Liz132 at 3:42 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • I want him to work with me to find a way to handle our stresses better. I want him to not say things like "your acting crazy again, maybe you should take some meds" and I want him to understand that I have a child and I will not have some pot head helping me raise her. (he isn't her biodad)
    allfiller

    Comment by allfiller (original poster) at 3:45 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • You should ask him to go back to the doctor and maybe get a different kind of med. It sounds to me like that one wasn't working for him so he started taking more and I think that will help him with his pot problem as well because part of the treatment for marajuana addiction is anti anxiety meds. I don't know if he's addicted or anything like that cuase you didn't say, but if his meds were working properly he may not feel like had need the pot
    Liz132

    Answer by Liz132 at 3:48 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • OP, now a days everything gets fixed with a pill, the meds you take are no better than the pot he smokes, at leas his stress reliever is not medically processed and comes from a natural plant.
    older

    Answer by older at 3:48 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • You need to sit him down and let him know that you are not okay with it and if he doesn't seek help and make an effort to stop then you will leave him. Set a realistic time frame and stick to it.
    MsHouseWife

    Answer by MsHouseWife at 4:18 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

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