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Is Lying a Deal Breaker?

I "broke up" with my ex friend because she lied all of the time. Small lies, white lies, but I was at a point where I just couldn't take it anymore. I'd called her out on it several times, she said that she didn't want to have to explain herself. She KNOWS I don't judge, and don't even offer my opinion unless it's asked for. She promised me over and over that she would stop lying, and just be honest. After we split, her and her BF (who is a friend of my husbands) said some not nice things about me, stupid things, but unkind just the same. To complicate things, she works for my DH's company. A mutual friend suggested that I make up with her, just have fun or whatnot on occasion, but on a different level than before. I don't hate this girl, but I don't like having people over that I can't trust. I'd be "making up" with her for everyone but me.

 
Scuba

Asked by Scuba at 4:00 PM on Aug. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Level 34 (64,138 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I would draw the line at saying hi whenever you see her and maybe calling her every once in awhile to just say hi,how ya doin.I know where your'e coming from.I have a friend like that .but It's hard to BE a friend when you can't trust a friend.
    bvannkissy

    Answer by bvannkissy at 5:31 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • It is for me. How can anyone have a relationship (friends or otherwise) without trust?
    Erica_Smerica

    Answer by Erica_Smerica at 4:04 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • To clarify something else - the mutual friend wants me to bury the hatchet because she's getting married next month. I'm officiating the ceremony. She doesn't want any sort of cloud over her day. I get that, and I would be civil to her just as I am now if I see her out.
    Scuba

    Comment by Scuba (original poster) at 4:02 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Yes it would be a deal breaker if it is something constant
    MsHouseWife

    Answer by MsHouseWife at 4:05 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • can you not just be social with her if you see her but not go out of your way to be her friend? You said you don't hate her, why does it have to be all or nothing? You don't need to invite her to your house or call her or do things with her but if she happens to be at the same place as you be nice say hi do a little small talk and move on to the people you really want to see?
    Liz132

    Answer by Liz132 at 4:06 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • It's a dealbreaker. Be civil and polite and that's it.
    modaddict17

    Answer by modaddict17 at 4:44 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • I can absolutely be civil and polite to her - like I said, I don't hate her, I just don't trust her. What the mutual friend is asking me to do is have her and her BF over when I have parties a few times a year. I guess my question really should have been where do I draw the line? I think that I can be "friendly" in public and that be the end of it. This other friend wants me to take it a step further and invite her over. I do have people over that aren't my friends, they are more like acquaintances - but I really, really can't tolerate liars. I feel like I'm publicly saying it's ok by having her over. Maybe I;m just over thinking this whole thing?
    Scuba

    Comment by Scuba (original poster) at 5:10 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • I agree with you - you can be civil and "friendly", but you don't have to be her best friend or hold her hand or anything. But really it comes down to whether or not you can stand to associate with her or be around her, regardless of the level (or lack) of intimacy or friendship between you.... And only you can say how you feel and what you really want.
    bandgeek521

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 5:51 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

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