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should i just keep my mouth shut? i really don't want him to take this new job

i just had a baby 3 weeks ago. i really can't do the stay at home mom thing, i'm the type of woman who needs to be out of the house and working at least sometimes, i love my daughter so much but i'm so bored staying at the house all the time. my husband works at a 24 hour gym working graveyard shift (10pm to 6am) and he has weekends off. he makes enough to pay rent and the bills and basic expenses and if i got a part time job during the day we'd be doing really well. today he was offered a full time job that pays the same but he'd be working every day plus overtime. he'd make double what he makes now plus benefits later on. i know he wants the job but money isn't important to me. we'd never see eachother, he'd never see our daughter, we just wouldn't be a family, plus i want to work and i wouldn't be able to. i want to tell him but i know he really wants this job so he can provide better for us. what do i do?

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Aug. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • What's more important to you? Is it to have a husband who has the joy of providing for his family or is it to do what you want to do? That's really the only question to be decided.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:45 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Talk to him and tell him how you feel. But think about what this could do for his career and what it may bring in the future. Take into account that he really may want to provide for you so that you DON'T have to work. He may be doing this b/c that is what will make him feel like a good husband and father.

    Answer by coala at 4:46 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • If you really want to work, why wouldn't you be able to? If you wouldn't need the money, use your income to pay for a sitter or daycare, and work if that's what keeps you sane.

    Answer by SWasson at 4:47 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • My husband worked nights for years. It can be hard on their body as well as the relationship sometimes. They have to sleep during the day and evenings we were tied down because he had to work later. He missed out on the kids stuff for school sometimes because of the schedule. We adapted but it wasn't ideal. You do what you have to do to make ends meet. There are a lot of people out there that don't have jobs and are looking. My sister has been looking for 2 years and finally found one. Your husband has to be happy with what he is doing and if he will be happier and the family will do better financially, I think you should adapt and make it work.

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 4:47 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • I would just sit down and talk to him about it and come up with a decision that everyone is happy with. This is really somethign that the two of you should decided on together. He needs to know how you feel,unless you tell him, he's not going to know.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 4:48 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • the way his schedule is now he works nights, i'd work a few days a week during the day so we both would be able to raise out daughter and have weekends as a family. that's what's important to being a family

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:49 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • honestly, if I was in your shoes, with the economy being what it is, I would want him to take the job -- I mean, do you want to just float along covering your bills, or do you want to save up, have retirement, etc someday?
    But like you said, the money is not important to you, so you should definitely sit down and talk it over with him - it needs to be a joint decision.

    Answer by MommaofH2 at 4:54 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • I should add, if the job has benefits and advancement opportunities, it may involve a time sacrifice now, however could work out very well career-wise in the long run.

    Answer by MommaofH2 at 4:57 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Boo! You would really vote these Ladies down for giving an opinion on a question you asked? Shame on you! Don't want different opinions then don't ask!

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 4:57 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • tell him how you feel. there are more important things in life than money... ask him to really consider if the sacrifice he is making will make him feel worse rather than better.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 5:08 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

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