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10 Bumps

I just found out my husband has been having an affair with my best friend for 2 years. What do I do?

During this entire time he was always loving and kind. Our sex life never changed. We have a circle of friends and she is my best friend for 33 years. She is not in love with her husband anymore and so she pursued mine. We were always together and shared holidays together. Our circle of friends are all hurt and devestated with what happened. I have been married to this man for 34 years. Great husband and wonderful father. Please help.

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mmurphy618

Asked by mmurphy618 at 4:59 PM on Aug. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (28)
  • surprisedWhat are you going to do? Leave? Throw him out? Nothing?

    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 5:01 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Oh my goodness. Im sorry you have to go through this. GL to you and hope everything works out for this best.
    xxMasonsMommaxx

    Answer by xxMasonsMommaxx at 5:02 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Oh good Lord.What a horrible thing.
    First, know you are not alone. My ex husband had been having an affair with a friend of mine as well...and she was my sons babysitter and her husband was my ex husbands best friend. Yes, one tangled web right there.
    Two years os a long time to be hiding something like that. I'd never be able to look at either one of them again.
    Only you will know the true answer of what you should do about this situation.
    Me...I would leave his ass high and dry and live my life and say screw you to both of them.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 5:02 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Ask yourself what YOU want, Can you forgive him? Can you love him after this? Is what you have worth trying to figure out why he went elsewhere even if you do not like the answers? HUGS, Ive been there and I'm sorry!!
    mamallamaof2

    Answer by mamallamaof2 at 5:03 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • wow!! i'm so sorry, not really sure what i would do, it will probably take alot of thought before deciding what to do.....
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 5:03 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • *hugs* i dk what i would i do if i were in your shoes. it's like losing 2 ppl you love at the same time. i can only imagine how hurt and angry you must feel.
    tanper29

    Answer by tanper29 at 5:03 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • I was in your position with my ex of 7 years and 2 kids. Only difference is she got pregnant by him, which is how I found out. Needless to say, I kicked the both to the curb. You need to do what's best for you, but I say without trust what kind of marriage is that? I wish you the best of luck.
    sheli2007

    Answer by sheli2007 at 5:05 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • That is a double hurt. Having been married as long as you have, and if there is anything left in you, I'd try to fix it. Having said that I've been there and threw his ass out and I'm very happy I did.. Good luck hon, and I mean that sincerely.......find a man that deserves you, as for the "friend" it doesn't sound to me like she will have many friends left.......Hugs

    zbee

    Answer by zbee at 5:07 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • I would do my best to get over it and make my marraige work. If you really love him you can turn it around and make it good again! It's hard REALLY hard but it can happen. Good luck with whatever you decide...
    SWEETPEAS3MOM

    Answer by SWEETPEAS3MOM at 5:09 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • I am so sorry. I can't even imagine your anger and hurt. What do you want the result to be? Do you even know yet? if it is a deal breaker I would get legal counsel immediately. If the two of you want to try to go to counseling then sit down and discuss it and make it happen. Either way, do what you want for yourself. I hope you have another true friend, or relatives, who you can talk to. Or go see a counselor so your conversations are confidential. Also, I had a friend who went to grief counseling and was told to bash a tennis racket against a bed to release her emotions. I needed to do that once and used a hammer on a piece of wood instead because I did not have a tennis racket. I felt foolish at first, but really got into it and beat the hell out of that wood. It was a fantastic release. I did it several times. If not wood, use something that symbolizes your husband's head. I wish you all the best.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 5:11 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

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