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When a friend is so wrong...?

I have a friend (on Cafemom), hence the anon who thinks she's gotten away with having short term affair. She believes she has her DH convinced that she was just "over-friendly", too much contact, innocent phone calls, etc. with a former male co-worker. The affiar is over, but she should have focused on communication and fixing things with her DH instead of another man. There's nothing wrong with the DH...they simply suffer from what is common in marriage and long term relationships. They see that now and seem to be moving forward. DH isn't stupid and has some opinions of his own which are more close to the truth than what she has admitted to him. I would never confirm his suspicions and want to see them happy. But I have told her that she needs to come clean and work from the basis of truth as otherwise, the recovery of their marriage is simply an ugly falsehood. She thinks what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:02 PM on Aug. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I completely agree with you
    SWEETPEAS3MOM

    Answer by SWEETPEAS3MOM at 5:04 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Tell him in the safety of a counselor's presence, Only after seeking his/ her advise. He may not ever trust her again.If it happens once it can happen again. My moto is ...Shit happens and if you live long enough it will happen again!
    KISS1224

    Answer by KISS1224 at 5:05 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • i for one can't live a lie like that, but really i wouldn't be able to bring myself to have an affair in the first place because of just that... some people's consciences are a little quieter
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 5:05 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • the truth will always come out. maybe not today or tomorrow but someday. i know that sounds cliche but i believe it 100%
    tanper29

    Answer by tanper29 at 5:10 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Yes, she should tell him the truth, but I don't think it's your place to tell her what she should do. Her and her husband are the only ones who can change/fix their relationship and it's up to them to do so. If her infidelity really bothers you , you should distance yourself from her.

    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 5:17 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • A agree with skittles. She needs to tell the truth, but its her place to tell him, unless the other man wants to step forward and come clean.... (although I'm not implying that anyone persuade him to do so)
    bandgeek521

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 5:39 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • It sounds like he already has his suspicions, (is that spelled right?) and she will probably screw up and get caught sooner or later all by herself. But I'm sure it sucks knowing, and knowing you really can't tell him. I like that moto, KISS. The way my hubby and I see it, when someone cheats, sooner or later, they will always get caught. Someway, somehow.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 6:26 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • are you slleping with her husband or do you have feelings for him?
    sunflower39346

    Answer by sunflower39346 at 10:06 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • I think u should as a friend leave well enough alone. if you can't handle that this is thebwaybshe's chosen to deal with her marriage then end the friendship. but don't tell her husband. it will cause more harm than good.
    EttaMay

    Answer by EttaMay at 11:53 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • She should go ahead and tell him. If he finds out on his own, then she would be lying. Since a relationship is built on trust, coming clean would help their relationship more than lying. Lying would give him reason not to trust her.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:44 AM on Aug. 21, 2010

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