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would you be mad if your dh stayed up to 2 or 3am talkin to women online? adult content

he rather talk to them than come to bed with me. he says its because i dont give him enough attention, how am i suppose to do that if he wont give me any time to? when i come down to see if/when is coming to bed he immediatly closes the chat and logs off of the account. so i asked him why he did that, he says it isnt my business what he tells other women. one of the women sent me a copy of the chat(i didnt even know he was talkin to her) well he put me down a lot, callin me a bitch and that he wanted someone to give him attention, and its my fault that we dont have sex anymore...well if he would come to bed or actually pay attention to me then that wouldnt be an issue. im so fed up with him, i pretty much gave up on trying, and im not able to leave or file for divorce at the moment cause of lack of funds. any advice welcome


Asked by Anonymous at 7:35 PM on Aug. 20, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • i think he's just done and it sounds like you are too, you both have to want it for it to really work. like any relationship. this really SUCKS! i am so sorry, just wait til he wants the real thing and can't find it bc the chicks are online!

    Answer by angevil53 at 7:45 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Yup, I'd be mad. Actually a lot more than mad. But, why waste time being mad all by yourself? Share it. Get rid of the computer and let HIM be mad right along with you. The better option is to just remove the hard drive when he's at home. No hard drive, no worky. It isn't hard to remove them. Unplug the machine, unscrew the case, disconnect two cables. I'd put an OS on a jump drive and set the machine to boot from that ...

    I'd hand him a copy of that chat transcript you were sent and let him know that 1) talking to someone else won't fix your marital problems, 2) talking to other women is not acceptable at all, 3) if he's that unhappy and not willing to work with YOU that the problem is his and he can learn to lump it or leave.

    I'd put that hard drive where he couldn't get at it because if you need the evidence later, it's there ... a savvy tech can pull up a lot that he 'thinks' he deleted.

    Answer by Farmlady09 at 7:49 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • since there are no funds. go back to school, pick up a hobby, wear your hair a different way. do something to pick yourself up get in a position where you can make a decision to either leaveor work it out but please dont doubt yourself are worth more than gold.....

    Answer by sunflower39346 at 7:38 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • I agree with the other women. Dont put up with that start doing it yourself. I went through all that in my last relationship n got out. But I have to say i got married then ( to another man) how wrong was i about him he had an affair and a baby on top of that. Im going to go as soon as im done with school i think cause thats just something thats hard to swallow and all it causes is more chaos. But i work also so i have no worry there. Definatly do something to better your life then get out when you can. Start by finding someone compatable with you before you go I know I probably will. Buck up lady and stay strong thats all you can do.

    Answer by apiegurl at 8:36 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • mine has.... and I was certainly mad

    Answer by hibbingmom at 7:37 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Hell yeah and he knows it

    Answer by mamaofficer at 7:38 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Yes. I would be pissed. I would also wonder where else he was seeking attention. Good luck

    Answer by GingerMom33 at 7:39 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • ummm yeah, but I really have no right to be since I used to do it myself. I don't anymore and he doesn't do it at all. But i don't think I would have a right to be mad if he did it to me.

    Answer by GinNTonic at 7:41 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • in all honesty what saved my marriage was my having an affair. my DH didn't realize I was that lonely, that unhappy, that attention needing that I was willing to throw it all away. We're married 7 years this year and having a big vow re-newel ..... you need to find a way to fix communication, at all costs. would he be receptive to a notebook? passing it back/forth every day or so and writing feelings & responses in it? Like you'd say "I went to bed alone again last night and it hurts more every time. I miss you, I miss us. Wanna goto a movie on Sunday with me?" blah blah and hopefully he'd say something nice back and so on until you talk better in person. good luck.... and consider a 60 day no internet break. you'd be surprised what you both can find to do w/ all the extra time spent on chatting, porn, websearches, etc

    Answer by hibbingmom at 7:41 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • Yes, I would be very upset.

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 7:42 PM on Aug. 20, 2010