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Dealing with 20 yr old son who just told me he has a son!!!!

I just found out my son has a baby born 2 months ago.. He was afraid to tell me.. we are past that now.. Im a excited grandma.. have had the pleasure of meeting my grandson once.. but heres my dilemma.. I/my son wants to get a paternity test, just to be sure and I dont want to hurt the mothers feelings. (they are no longer together, they were dating while they were away at college last year) I have started developing a relationship with this girl, and feel awkward becuase her and my son arent together and I dont want to be in the middle but I want to be a part of my grandsons life.

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Vonirae2

Asked by Vonirae2 at 1:36 PM on Oct. 8, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • I don't at all blame your son for wanting to get a paternity test. It makes a lot of sense especially if he has any suspicion this may not be his biological child. I also understand that you don't want an awkwardness between you and the mom even if she does get upset with your son for wanting this. What I would do is tell her exactly what you said here:

    I have started developing a relationship with this girl, and feel awkward becuase her and my son arent together and I dont want to be in the middle but I want to be a part of my grandsons life.

    As long as you approach it right, I'm sure she will understand and be mature enough to be able to separate you from any anger or resentment she may feel for your son.

    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 1:42 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • My dd's dad and I aren't together. I live an hour away from his family and his mom comes out by herself to see her granddaughter. I don't mind her coming at all. I would feel if she didn't come than she just didn't want to be apart of her life. I would just call and check to see how your grandbaby is and go and see him as much as possible. I love it when she comes out!
    Kenzies_momma

    Answer by Kenzies_momma at 1:42 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • There is know easy way to say to some one, Not sure my son is the babies daddy so he want a DNA test. If he's good he might be able to swab the babies iner check with out the mother knowing it. Then you dont have to say anything to her
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 1:48 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • You/your son has the write to ask for it. He should be the one though because its his responsibility. I just had this same conversation w/ my boss about a similar situation. As much as you would like to be involved, hes a man now and he needs to make the steps.I have a friend who this happened w/ and I m good friends w/ both granparents and one is my boss and shes raising the grandchild. now we all work together and they dont get along, but myfriends son never did a paternity test and I always thought so.the point Im trying to make is that the child is going on 4yrs and nobody if this child is really his. Hang in there
    deedee214

    Answer by deedee214 at 1:51 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • i think it's s mart decision, i know it's a difficult thing to say and ask of someone, she will have to get over it at some point. just try to take it one day at a time.. keep praying...
    lovebugs070607

    Answer by lovebugs070607 at 2:43 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • I would hope that the girl is mature enough that she would understand. There is no way that I would go behind anyone's back and do anything like swab the baby's mouth. I'm just that kind of person. Your son just needs to be up front w/ her.. It is his place to do it.. He is grown. Take it one day at a time like the previous poster said keep praying.. IF she is a decent girl, she will understand and have no problem with it. JMO.. Good luck to all of you..
    honeys_sugamama

    Answer by honeys_sugamama at 5:15 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • Let your son handle his grown man business he got himself into. You can still have a relationship with the girl, just don't involve yourself in that issue with her or you'll be in some drama. Good luck!
    mama_k228

    Answer by mama_k228 at 9:41 AM on Oct. 9, 2008

  • It's just something folks do nowadays. She shouldn't be offended Do you really want your son paying child support for the next 18 yrs for someone else's son? They are so common now that they should sell them in the drug store next to pregnancy tests!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:51 AM on Oct. 9, 2008

  • MY SON IS 22 AND WHEN HIS BABY WAS BORN THEY AUTOMATICALLY DID A PATERNITY TEST AND THEY WERE STILL TOGETHER, IT IS ALSO GOOD TO KNOW FOR SURE THAT WAY THE PATERNITY IS NEVER QUESTIONED ,BY THE WAY THAT BABY IS ALMOST 5 THEY ARE NOT TOGETHER ANYMORE BUT SHE IS STILL LIKE A DAUTGHTER TO ME.
    bsmitley_69

    Answer by bsmitley_69 at 11:40 AM on Oct. 9, 2008

  • If that is what your son wants to do I wouldn't discourage him. However little children need family and that doesn't mean you can't be Grandma no matter how the paternity test turns out. Bonds are special no matter who they are formed by. You are a special lady for letting this mother and her baby, your grandchild in your life and she must think highly of your son to let you be a part of the baby's life.
    SheriSanchez

    Answer by SheriSanchez at 7:48 PM on Oct. 9, 2008

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