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How do I tell my son he's adopted?

my almost 5yo boy is starting to wonder where babies come from and it got me thinking about it more and more. Due to reproductive problems he was adopted as early embryo and I carried the pregnancy. I always thought I wouldn't hide this but as the years pass I'm finding it very hard to figure out how to tell him. Is he too young? Do I wait? Do I start telling him little bits and pieces of where he came from?


Asked by Aegiajumma at 10:36 PM on Aug. 20, 2010 in Adoption

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This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • His story is miraculous as every child is a blessing and miracle of God, IMHO. He deserves to know his beginning, middle & end. He needs to know that you love him and will always be there for him. BTW, a 2 y/o asks questions because he doesn't know the answer. A 5 y/o asks questions because he's curious as to the answer, but may already have an idea. And if you wait on this much longer, he'll have an answer in mind, and whether he believes you or not may depend on if your answer agrees with his answer. When a cousin puts it in your mind that you can't talk to your parents about adoption because they'll get rid of you, the damage has begun and you may not discover it for years. You control the flow of information. You make sure that he knows that he was always wanted, love and planned.

    I would hate for him to need a transplant one day, & THEN you "remember" his bio relatives. Talk about it soon, please. Hope this helps!

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 11:56 AM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • Well, my oldest is adopted and knows her whole story.. I didn't carry her though. She is adopted internationally so it's a little obvious that she is not biologically linked to us. She is very proud of the fact that she is adopted- as of right now at 4 1/2. We started from day one telling her that she was adopted. We met her when she was 17 months old. Lilly has asked a few questions- especially since she saw me carry her baby sister. We've explained to her that she didn't grow in my tummy, but to a woman that lives in China and how she came into our family. We have not told her about the laws and politics of her birth country as she would not grasp the intricacies of those policies at her age...when she is more able to comprehend it we will discuss it with her.
    There is no shame in adoption and a child deserves to know their story....good luck to you.

    Answer by mcginnisc at 11:02 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • wtf do you mean he was adopted as an early embryo??

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 10:37 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • well, i don't have any adopted kids.... curious to hear from the mommas who do have adopted kids.
    since he's asking where babies come from i would tell him that babies grow inside the momma's tummy. i'm sure you have pics from when you were pregnant with him right? that is all my son wanted to know at that age lol.

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 10:39 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • purplebutterfly some women donate their eggs. I think you should wait till he ask. You can tell him where babies come from but it's not like he asking if he's adopted. Maybe wait till he's older to understand how he came to be.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 10:44 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • If you got an egg from someone else, but YOU carried him, then I wouldn't worry about telling him. at least not yet... Its like someone else gave birth to him. You did. YOU are his mother. As he gets older, old enough to understand then yes, tell him & be honest. But right now I wouldn't worry about it. You'll just confuse him right now....

    Answer by lilmoosesmom at 10:45 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • I would think little pieces here and there would be better than one day just telling a 10 or 15 year old hey you're adopted..not that you'd say it like that but I think it would be less of a shock if he kind of has an idea about it until he's old enough to really understand. Hope that makes sense. Good luck!

    Answer by Brandi2206 at 10:45 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • I don't have adopted kids, so my advise is coming from a very outside third point of view. At 5 its normal for him to ask about the birds and the bees, and really just be honest with him there, but as far as the adoption goes, if he doesn't ask, I wouldn't tell. There will be plenty of time to think about it. If all he is asking about is were babies come from, a simple anatomy lesson reveals nothing about his complicated (but pretty awesome) start.

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 10:48 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • If I carried a child and gave birth to him, I wouldnt really consider that adoption? GL to you though :)

    Answer by xxMasonsMommaxx at 11:16 PM on Aug. 20, 2010

  • It is his story to know, and it is far better for him to learn it bit by bit as he grows up. Waiting till he asks or is a teen is a very bad idea. Seeing a pregnant woman and talking about the whole process is a good place to start. I am on the fence as to whether this situation constitutes adoption too though.

    Answer by Southernroots at 11:57 PM on Aug. 20, 2010