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is this wrong of him?

is it wrong for a husband/wife to cuss at their so? if they argue and he says "i dont fucking care" or "fucking christ" when he is upset towards the wife.....i get upset when he swears at me, i get upset if he tells me to just shut up and walks away. its really disrespectful and mean in my eyes but i wonder if im over reacting to this. he's military which can make him harsh at times and he was a foster child growing up that got bounced around so he is very disattached sometimes and i know emotions are hard for him but still

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:08 PM on Oct. 8, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I dont' know, we cuss at each other at times. It is disrespectful to do. And if my DH told me to shut up I'd probably knock him out (those are the worst words in the world, I think). I think you should tell him not to speak to you that way. If he begins cussing at you I would just walk away from him. If he says anything to you about walking away tell him you'll come back when he calms down and can speak to you civilly.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 3:22 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • Those 2 think you just said/the excuses,are just that excuses.  My husband was in the army for 20 years and he was/is never harsh..and there's a lot of kids in foster care that turn out just fine as adults. I think their is more to him then what your saying, I would just tell him don't swear at me..If he acts like that he must be abusing you some how.  The military has free couniling you know.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 2:17 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • no matter what kind of lifestyle he had growing up, it doesn't give him the right to talk to you like that or disrespect you! I am dealing with a similar problem my boyfriend says the f word like no other, but i told him that i won't tolerate it around our daughter! well hope everything gets better
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:18 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • well maybe thats his way he knows of showing anger, not to say its right i to think its very disrespectful, but i myself have done and said things like that when i'm really angry and i feel bad afterwards because i so love my man very much he is my world along with my kids and i could never emagine life with out him, but i still do it from time to time.. i was just brought up hearing words like that. so maybe thats how he expressies himself when he's mad, so just sit down and talk to him and explain that it makes u feel like he dosen't love u enough hearing such disrespectful words.. i'm working on not saying things like that to..
    heavensent1174

    Answer by heavensent1174 at 2:21 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • i didnt know the army gave free counseling, i thought you had to pay. ill probably look into it. i grew up with a very verbally abusive person...i know how much that can hurt and i also know as time goes on, it can get worse....and i wont let that happen with our daughter. maybe i am making excuses for him. suppose its easier to let it go when i do that. he just doesnt get it, he doesnt see his words as hurtful at all. although growing up the abusive person i knew never thought he was mean either, he said he was just strict. he's never been like this to our toddler, he's a total sweetie to her, which is good cause if he ever swore at her or told her he didnt care and walked away i would walk out the door with her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • I wouldn't like it if my DH talked like that to me when were having an argument.... sometimes using bad language puts the argument on a different plain from what it should be on; especially if one person takes personal offense to language like that....... Now about him telling you to shut up.... that's a huge irritation for me..... I think that is like the ultimate dismissal and wouldn't tolerate out of my DH. Now if he's just cussing to vent the frustration...that's one thing; if it is truly you that he's cussing-out, that's different and you should not have to put up with that.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 2:27 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • i have talked to him, he knows how much it hurts me. when he starts raising his voice etc. ill say "please dont cuss at me hunny and dont raise your voice. cant we just talk" no matter what i say, nothing happens. a few months ago i got really upset about it and i started raising my own voice and i told him that i was not going to take this shit and i never disrespect him therefor i want the same in return. his reply was "you know where the door is and walked away"he later told me it was my fault he said that cause i push him too much. i think he/we need counseling. he doesnt say that you kow where the door stuff is normally, that was once. but the i dont care and walking away, thats pretty regular now
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:27 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • he doesnt cuss me out like "you f*ckk bla bla bitch" he just says things like "fucking christ, or jesus just fucking stop or every fucking time its always the same shit with you (we have one reacurring argument about this exact thing i posted on here)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • me and dh might slip up once or twice, but we try not to when we argue. especially since we have young kids, we don't want them catching up on it. my dh is in the army and doesn't cuss, at least not around me. when he's at work or with his buddies, that's a different story. my dad was in the navy and foster care and he NEVER cussed, not even when he wasn't around us. although, he's a christian man. so being in the military and foster care doesn't mean anything, it's just an excuse.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:52 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • I can so relate to the F word! If he gets aggravated or if I try to bring something up out comes "What the F!" I can't stand it! It's used so much that recently on 2 occasions when I got annoyed I found my self saying " What the F!" I instantly get annoyed at myself!!!! How can I ask him not to do it when he now has me picking it up!
    mama_lou

    Answer by mama_lou at 3:21 PM on Oct. 8, 2008