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Did your mom come stay with you right after birth?

I'm due in March and my mom is already talking about coming out to help me with the baby. The more I think about it, the less I want her with me in the days right after birth. My husband will be with me and my mother-in-law (who is much calmer and serene) lives only 2 miles away. I'm worried my mom's visit will be an interruption in the first few days, esp. considering that I'll be learning to breastfeed, etc. Don't get me wrong, I certainly want her there, just not right after I give birth. Has anyone else been in this situation? Am I a bad person? How can I let her know this in a nice way?

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:21 PM on Oct. 8, 2008 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (12)
  • By all means ask her to wait until you've had some time to recover and get settled into a rhythm with your new baby. I don't think it makes you a bad person at all.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 2:27 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • You are not a bad person. But you need to tell your mom, that you want to spend time alone with the baby and your husband, so you guys can get to know each other.

    But if your mother-in-law will be there i would understand your mom if it would hurt her feelings, because you are her daughter. I would say, either both moms, or none at all. Just to be fair. But at the end its all up to you.

    When I gave birth everybody knew that its not even "polite" to bother the young and new family. They all left us "alone" so we had time for ourselfs and learn everything about our child in the first days. But of course they have been there when we asked for them/called them.


    Answer by m.robertson811 at 2:29 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • My mom did not come stay with me, but my family lives less than ten minutes away. She offered her help, but mostly my SO and I liked it just being the two of us. It was nice trying to get to know our new little family. No, it does not make you a bad person. If you do want her to come, but not right away tell her that and hopefully she will understand. Let her know what you want her help, but maybe she could come around week 2 or 3. Whenever you think it would be best. That way you have time for yourself, with you and the baby. This will help you get settled and adjusted. Good luck!

    Answer by TeaAndrews at 2:30 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • well it seems you have all the help you need then. my mother didnt come stay with me. It was just me and my fiance. The first few weeks are very important bonding time and it is not selfish to want to share that with mommy, baby and daddy.just be honest with at first she may feel left out but im sure she will understand. im due in march too. good luck is this your first

    Answer by boriquabarbii at 2:31 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • My mom did come over, but didnt stay, she lives about 10 minutes from us. she came over, made some food that was easy to cook for us. She also went and did some grocery shopping for us. It made things so much easier. You might think that she will be an interruption but when all you want to do is talk to someone who has gone through the frustration of breastfeeding and dealing with little or no sleep, you will be thankful that she is there. BUT seeing as you feel so strongly about it, tell you have the first few days covered and you need some help about a week or so after your home. see if she can come then. GL...

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 2:32 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • Yes this is our first kid and I'm pretty sure my mom didn't breastfeed me or my sisters so I don't think she'd be able to help with that. I love her and want her to come, it 's just that she panicks a lot and sometimes gives me anxiety.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:49 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • my mom came but i told her not to stay long because we always fight and my mother in law tried staying with me at the hospital but i didnt want her either because shes a major hypocrete. she didnt even want me to sleep when i got home even though i was all druged up from the surgery and just cause i took a little nap she started talking shit about me that i'm a careless mother etc!and i was never ever to sleep at the hospital because i kept on having guests even though i didnt want them there and the nurses kept on checking my blood pressure every hour and my diabetis. i told the damn nurses not to let no more visitors so i can rest and they didnt listen!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • I lived 6 hours away from my parents so my mom did come to help me. While I loved that she got to see her grandson, she made me crazy! You need to make it clear what her HELP will involve. My mother expected me to clean up after her, cook dinner etc... ( I had a C-section and am a single mom) Yeah,.... I called my dad crying tso he could ask her to go home. I did not want to hurt her feelings, but she was more work for me than help. She did end up helping out the latter part of the week, but not like it is supposed to be. If the come to help with the meals, cleaning, laundry, and holding the baby then great... if not, you are better off without the aggravation..

    Answer by cadesmom3 at 3:59 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • My mom lives around the corner from me. She was there for my sister after her csection but not mine. I think that we were both in different places with our SO's. Mine was there for me and hers wasn't if you know what I mean. Tell her that you appreciate that she wants to come but to please wait a few weeks for you all to settle in. It may take a little longer but she is your mom and should understand.

    Answer by coala at 4:09 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • My mom was and thank god because I ended up having a C Section and she had had one before. mother stayed with me for a week then my MIL stayed with me for the week after that so that I would have help. You will appreciate the help even though you don't think so now...just invite your mom to stay with you for the desired amount of time after your MIL leaves, or vice versa.

    Answer by TheDragn01 at 4:18 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

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