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dad dying and i dont care

my dad is in and out of the hospital cause of heart,diabetes and other problems. I dont really care cause he hurt me so much in the past. He molested me, controlled me and would burden me with adult sexual and other issues when i was a kid myself. I hate feeling this way but i cant bring myself to feel bad for him. Anyone ever felt this way?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:52 PM on Oct. 8, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I haven't felt this way, but, you shouldn't worry about it. Did he care how you felt when he was molesting you? HELL NO!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:01 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • No. And I'm so very sorry you have to go through this. It's gotta be tearing you up feeling like you SHOULD care but knowing you don't. I say, let yourself off the hook.... you did not create this situation with your feelings... he did. I wish I could say more to you because I really feel for you about this.... But like I said, the only thing it seems you can do, it to understand that you didn't choose to feel this way about him, and you're not choosing to not care about his passing.... just like you can't make someone love you..... you can't make yourself love some one either. Give yourself permission to let this go.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 3:02 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • If i would be in your situation then i would probably feel the same way. So i dont think anybody would judge you for your feelings against him.
    m.robertson811

    Answer by m.robertson811 at 3:03 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • i feel that way about my dad kinda. i sometimes feel like if he died it wouldn't make much of difference to me. he was not there for me and unsure if he ever touched me or not. somehow i suppressed it. although i think he did i don't bring it back up. i woudn't blame you for feeling like this he was never a father was he and he was evil. so how could you ever love anyone like that. you can't. i often wonder how the lord can love his children when they hurt children the way they do. don't feel bad for not feeling or loving a monster. he doesn't deserve it from you or anyone. how could your mother, if she does.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • My mom gave me up for adoption, begged to get me back, abused me, did drugs in front of me, forced me to take care of my newborn brother when I was 7 gave me up for adoption again, then got me back at 15 and abused me some more, both mentally and physically. She is now homeless and has nowhere to go. I couldn't care less. She's reaping everything she's sown. She's my egg donor, nothing else. This man is your sperm donor. Don't feel bad about not caring. She hates me now too cuz I won't let her be near my son when he's born, but can you blame me??? I wrote her a long letter letting out all of my hurts and giving reasons why I don't care and don't want her around. Good luck!! If you need someone to talk to just email me k?
    MarlyeGirl

    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 3:06 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • 4 starters, I'd like 2 say I'm sorry that these things have happened 2 u & can understand where ur coming from & why u feel the way u do. I just went thru a similar situation w/ my father. My parents divorced when I was 11 & my dad stayed gone 4 many yrs. And though, he never did ne of those things 2 me, being gone was hard enough. This past Easter (actually Easter day), we found out that he had lung cancer & also other health problems. @ that point, I decided that it was x 4 me 2 let go 7 b there 4 him. I tried (after 2 wks. of soul searching) 2 b the POA(power of attorney) but it didn't work out. So, I wrote him a letter explaining my feeling, thoughts, etc. I gave it 2 him, we talked about it & cried a little.
    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 3:40 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • cont. I did this bc I didn't want 2 b left w/ y didn't I say this or that & 2 make the most of the x I had left w/ him. Also, I've been in counseling 4 almost 2 yrs. 2 learn how 2 let my past go & accept those who've hurt me 4 who they are & by writing that letter, I got the closure I needed 2 do so. He apologized 4 letting me down & thought I would never 4give him & I explained that in writing that letter, I had 4given him. And please don't misunderstand, I'm in no way telling u u should 4give him (bc what he did 2 u is horrible & totally up 2 u as 2 whether or not u want 2 or will 4give him) but that 4giveness relieves alot of w8 & baggage. Also, the saying that God works in mysterious ways is so true bc I believe that he put me back in my father's life as a 2nd chance 2 help us both heal from our estranged & hurtful past.
    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 3:48 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • cont. (sorry it's so long). I hope this helps 2 give u some support. If u ever want or need 2 talk, send me a message. I'd be more than willing 2 listen (if u need 2 vent) & offer any advice i can 2 help u get thru this as I know it's hard, scary & painful.
    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 3:52 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • Yup. My brother passed away in March, & I felt no emotion about it. Still don't. I felt bad for the other people that cared about him -- my dad, his ex-wife, their kids, etc. They were all hurting pretty badly.... but FOR him, nothing. It wasn't like I was glad he was dying... I just didn't care either way. Didn't feel sorry for him.

    I think it's because he did it to himself & knew what he was doing -- died of alcoholism. He was told he'd die, and didn't seek help & wouldn't accept help offered to him. He disrespected his family & never knew the meaning of sentimental value.... would pawn a family heirloom in a heartbeat w/o a 2nd thought ... those sorts of things.
    Laura1229

    Answer by Laura1229 at 4:08 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • my mother is old now and she always put me to the side everything I have ever did was not enough for her.My father was a great father my mother and I never got along .My mother always talked about me and put me down now that she is old and without my father she still puts me down.I love her but don't consider her a good mom I am though I am nothing like her.I stick for my kids and love them to death.If my mother died it would hurt me but not that much .
    monica277

    Answer by monica277 at 6:58 AM on Oct. 9, 2008

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