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Advice for a big sister

so my baby brother is in some trouble with the cops and ran off on his 6th month prego wife they are 20 and 19. and this is not his first go round with all this. he also has a 2 y/o. he did the same thing last time and i tried to get him to do good but he didn't and got arrested. well now hes doing it again. i always take care of my brother we are all each other has tell i got married. because our mom was far from a mother. we grow up in diff homes so i did what i could where i was. so now i am getting in to fights with on the phone or on the computer to do the right thing, for his kids. but the thing is i feel blame my self and feel like i didn't do enough for him. what should i do keep fighting him or just give up and not bother any more. (and before you say turn him in i dont know where he is.) i love my brother but he is hurting a lot of people with the way he is acting.

 
Manda_Evans

Asked by Manda_Evans at 5:14 PM on Aug. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Level 10 (382 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I would not give up on him. I would keep telling him to do the right thing and what the right thing is. But you have to know that until he wants to be different, there will be no real change in him or in his lifestyle. You might want to warn any future girlfriends early on what your brother is like. Maybe you can stop him that way.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:17 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • I would say be there for the kids and your sister in law. Your brother has made his choices and needs to grow up and deal with the consequences for whatever choices he made.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 6:44 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • I would say, stay in his kids life, but let him make his mistakes so he can learn from them
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 5:18 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • Never give up on him. Families don't give up on each other. :0) Hope things get better soon.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 5:20 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • Sometimes my friend you can try and try to help the one you love, but sometimes its not enough. I have two brothers who stay into trouble constantly, or just trying to kill one another. One of my brothers lost his two girls and I'm raising them all by myself. It appears that you love your brother, but you've done all that you can do, maybe its time to just step aside and pray he'll wake up after spending some time behind bars.
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 5:52 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • thing is this wouldnt be his first trip to jail
    Manda_Evans

    Comment by Manda_Evans (original poster) at 5:54 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • "But Mommie" families don't give up on each other, but what if that family member start bringing you down with them? My brother sat in juvenile courts and told the judge that he does not want his girls. He decided to choose marijuana over his little girls. I love my brother true enough, but I have to look out for his girls right now, they're my top priority. He is a grown man who decided to take the wrong path in life, and its not fair to anyone in my family to bail him out all the time. So Manda all I'm saying is sometimes love can be tough, but you do what you have to in order to save another family member who may be in trouble and want to change. I sacrificed my brother in order to save his two daughters who are 4 and 7. They're mom is in prison, and they're dad is on drugs, you tell me who need my love and support more.
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 5:59 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • You can't fix him. He has to do that. Turning him in would be the right answer if you could, because then he'd have a change of getting turned around. And turning him in wouldn't be giving up on him, neither would stepping back while he gets himself straightened out. Sometimes it's what's needed.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 7:08 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • I could never turn my brother in or even think about giving up on him. They need big sisters like us no matter how much they deny it. All you can really do is do your best. And trust me that is always good enough sometimes it just wont seem like it at first.
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 9:03 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • First of all, he needs to support his children. Does he realize that by leaving that he's not taking responsibility for his actions? Even though your mother was never there for either of you, he needs to be there for his children. He doesn't realize that by him not being there for his kids, that they will resent him in the future for not being there? He needs to get some counseling and soon. I wish you the best of luck.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:10 AM on Aug. 22, 2010

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