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3 Bumps

HOw to get someone to bring a gift

How do you get someone to see that it's not appropriate to attend everything they are invited to at our home to come and bring a gift? Ie, when they are invited to birthday partys they've not
brought a gift. They come and eat and come late stay long and then leave our home with out as much as a birthday or graduation card in hand. This to me is very inappropriate because food is so expensive now not to mention all the work that is involved in entertaining and trying to make everyone feel welcome but it's enough already. Why do they feel it's okay to come with an entire family of 4 or more and not one of them bring a gift for the birthday child??? So rude


Asked by flea575 at 7:30 PM on Aug. 21, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 5 (77 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • Not bringing a gift is not the problem, in my opinion. We rarely bring gifts to anything because we have not been able to afford it. We only spend $5 for our kids at Christmas time and birthdays! We often spend nothing on each other. For someone to be offended because of no gift is crazy. You shouldn't invite people because of the gifts.

    To me the bigger problem is that they overstay their welcome. I would let them know ahead of time that you plan on kicking people out at a certain time. You might also ask if they could bring a dish to share! I could always afford food, because if we were eating at someone's house that was a meal I didn't cook at home. I was happy to bring a dish! Or ask if they would be willing to help clean up a little. If they don't want to clean up, maybe that would be a way to get them out the door. :D

    Answer by micheledo at 8:05 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • While I usually take a gift to most occasions, I never buy a gift out of a sense of obligation. Gifts should be given from the heart, an expression of feelings, not given because they're expected.

    Answer by justnancyb at 7:43 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • A gift that is demanded is no gift at all!


    Answer by KathrynJL at 8:37 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • well you could simply stop inviting them.

    Answer by sahlady at 7:32 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • Decide what's important to you. Why do you invite them? Do you invite them to bring gifts? Or to share the special occasion? Isn't that what it really boils down to?

    There are times when most people do bring gifts - but I've never known it to be required. That's why it's called a gift, which by definition is something given freely, for no recompense - not a demand, a ransom, or a penalty.

    Answer by Gaccck at 7:51 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • I agree... stop inviting them or stop complaining.

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 7:36 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • Can they not afford something maybe? I never expect gifts when we have parties. People usually bring them of course, but there are no hard feelings if they don't.

    Answer by Jessica157 at 7:34 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • Umm if you don't enjoy their company, don't invite them ;)
    I say that kind of tongue in cheek.

    Answer by blessedwithree at 7:33 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • I would simply not invite them anymore. I would've noticed, too, and it's rude.

    Answer by lovinangels at 7:45 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • *I* would never show up empty handed to anyone's house for any reason, but that's just me. Honestly though, I don't expect a gift when I invite someone over for a birthday party or anything else. If they bring something, I'm thankful that they did but I certainly don't expect it. IMO, it's just as rude to expect a gift as it is to not bring one.

    Answer by Scuba at 7:53 PM on Aug. 21, 2010