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Do you hate it when your SO tries to tell you what to wear on a date and how do you handle it?

Today is the one rare occassion we actually can have a date night because MIL has the kids for the night. DH and I decide we will go to dinner and then to a jazz club. I had on a short skirt (about 5 inches above the knee), ankle boot and a cute sleeveless top. No cleavage showing, whatsoever. I thought I looked good. He gave me a look and says to go change because thats not appropriate for a jazz club. I told him I dont see anything wrong with it and he says well if I dont wear something else then we are not going out anymore, and he goes outside. He texts me back a few minutes later saying he's going for a walk and doesnt feel like going out anymore. I feel so belittled and humiliated, like hes ashamed to be seen wit me in public or something. Hes just trying to control me and I hate that. I just dont know how to deal with it. To change into something he likes or to stand my ground but stay home and do nothing?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:12 AM on Aug. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Several years ago I would have said to stand your ground and if he didn't want to go out then tell him that you will go out by yourself. But after being married for 16 years, I would now tell you to change your outfit to please him! You love him and it really isn't such a big thing to do to make him happy. Relationships are about compromise...and this one is a little one! Hope all works out well for you. =)
    7blessings

    Answer by 7blessings at 2:21 AM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • Oh i feel u on this one...my hubby to be does the same thing..."tooo much cleavage"..he hates when i wear tops that boost the girls up...lol...but hears what i learn to do...when i go out with him i would say "what do u think i should wear??...putting him in total control for the night....but when i go out with my family and friends...ooh it's ON!!!!....lol
    TezMoM

    Answer by TezMoM at 2:27 AM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • Thats horrible. No one has the right to treat you that way. If he is going to act like that then maybe you should reconsider who you are with. idk. maybe it's just a bad night for him too. Either way, you should definitely discuss it with him and let him know that you want to feel sexy and there's no problem with that. Let him know that you feel what he said was demeaning to you and the lack of communication ruined your night out. Also, just tell him straight out something along the lines of "what do you want me to wear? A nun costume? How about Amish...we can have an Amish night out on the town." Personally, if my boyfriend did that to me I would have told him to fuck off and gone out by myself...with his card. :)
    sake1521

    Answer by sake1521 at 2:29 AM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • 7blessings, as much as relationships are about compromise, as women we also have the right to feel good about ourselves. Mind you, I haven't been with my boyfriend for 16 years, (only about 2 1/2 years), we have been through a lot together, more than most married couples and our relationship and the bond we share together is stronger than anything. I agree that we should pick our fights but when it comes down to one partner making the other feel bad about their appearance or how they are dressed when it really isn't that bad, that is a big deal. Who makes dinner for the night and who cleans the dishes is an argument worth compromising on, not put downs and demeaning comments.
    sake1521

    Answer by sake1521 at 2:39 AM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • I agree with sake1521! You shouldn't have to change your outfit for him! If he meant you would look out of place at the jazz club, it's understandable. If he wanted you to change because he didn't like the outfit... yup tell him to go f**k himself and go out alone!
    Annabel1809Lee

    Answer by Annabel1809Lee at 2:39 AM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • My dh let's a lot of stuff roll but I like to look good for him. As I put together an outfit I'll ask for his opinion...this skirt or these jeans...sandals or boots...hoops or...you get the point. Well he has very good taste and together we have created some nice looks we both enjoy. Sometimes I'll hold up something crazy or goofy and ask what he thinks, just for a laugh. A few times I was serious and he thought I was pulling his leg. My bad, even I thought I was maybe going too far!
    BluDog

    Answer by BluDog at 3:06 AM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • By the way, I hate being told what to do and probably would have stormed out and called a friend on the way to the club. Not to be hateful, just because I am a grown woman and give the same respect I receive. Either that or I would have wept gently at his harsh attitude but I would not have been apologetic and begging his forgiveness because he is too insecure to see me look good.
    BluDog

    Answer by BluDog at 3:10 AM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • Sake1521, I agree that they need to sit down and talk and find out exactly why he thought her outfit was inappropriate..and he should also be made aware of how his comment(s) made her feel. The question I would ask myself is ~ 'is it more important to dress the way I want to or dress in a way that my hubby finds attractive?' My choice would be to dress the way my hubby finds me attractive!

    I like what BluDog said ~ her & hubby basically pick an outfit together & have a few laughs doing it! =) She also made a good point by saying that she "hates being told what to do". This is the whole issue if you ask me. None of us want to be told what to do ~ but then life will be one huge battle if you don't learn to compromise and respect and honor each other.
    7blessings

    Answer by 7blessings at 3:50 AM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • My ex used to tell me how to dress - which is why he's my ex. My husband thinks I look great no matter what I choose to wear and would never tell me to change my clothes. If I'm comfortable, then he's happy.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 8:52 AM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • My DH respects me to much to do that to me. What he did was controlling and mean. Is he overly jealous?
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 10:42 AM on Aug. 22, 2010

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