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3 Bumps

Why do we stay in bad relationships?

My Ex was an "okay" bf, but we almost split several times. After we finally did , I'd rationalized that having a bad BF was better than no bf at all. I had no friends and he was pretty much 80% of my social life besides work and AOL. So the idea of having no one to spend time with outside of work hours was frightening to me.

We finally split for good when I was 90% certain he was seeing someone else. No proof but some very suspicious evidence :)

 
Zoeyis

Asked by Zoeyis at 8:52 AM on Aug. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Level 31 (46,808 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I think it's feeling insecure about being alone, and to getting out in the looking stage again. You feel very secure when you have someone you or did know care for you and was always there to be at your side. When things change , it's just a matter of getting up the nerve. Sometimes it's matter of admitting you failed.
    MyAngel003

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 9:24 AM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • I think a lot of women (myself included at some times in my life) think we can't do any better or that we have to have a man to validate us so we put up with tons of crap that we shouldn't.

    I think most of it is about self-esteem.
    Andrewsmom70

    Answer by Andrewsmom70 at 8:59 AM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • Honestly, I feel women that stay in bad relationships for the sake of "something is better than nothing" have some serious insecurities that need to be addressed--and I include myself in that statement!! I remained in a bad relationship for 4 years--longer than I should have--and was even engaged (no kids), because it was my first serious relationship, and I had moved to his state to be with him, and couldn't admit to my family that I was wrong!!!

    I also grew up with a very controlling mother, and never knew my father, so I didn't have many positive examples of healthy relationships. So I stayed, I justified his bad behavior, until I couldn't take it anymore. When I finally left, I didn't tell him. I secretly found a new place to live and arranged for a moving company to pack up my things after he went to work. That was more than 12 years ago! The experience taught me that I am a strong woman with MANY options!! :o)
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 9:04 AM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • i learned my lesson with my ex he was bad to e i stayed for a few weeks then when i learned he had someone else i ended really fast and never looked back
    cnoble927

    Answer by cnoble927 at 8:57 AM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • incase u r alone?
    san78

    Answer by san78 at 9:12 AM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • well being alone was my concern at the time. I knew he wasn't that great, but he was better than nothing and wasn't mistreating me or anything. And the alternative was to have no one to do things with on weekends or have any social interaction at all. Seriously I had zero friends at the time. Doing stuff alone is pretty boring and lonely, so at least he was someone to talk to and hang with even if I was probly better off without him in my life.
    Zoeyis

    Comment by Zoeyis (original poster) at 9:15 AM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • oh yeah, also the sex was pretty good and that would come to a sudden stop too. I forgot about that.
    Zoeyis

    Comment by Zoeyis (original poster) at 9:19 AM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • I have never understood this, I would never stay.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:33 AM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • Hope.

    You hope he'll be the sweet guy who wooed you, even if that only happened once and he was drunk. You hope he'll turn into the guy you think he has the potential to be. You hope some magic will occur and he'll be what you keep hoping you're worthy of...

    Hope is a terrible thing.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 9:36 AM on Aug. 22, 2010

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